Friday, March 25, 2011


I cannot sleep tonight, and I came across the blog

The author has passed away, May grant him mercy after battling with cancer.

Reading about other people's life journey makes me wonder about my own journey. All the precious memories I can remember as if it only happened yesterday.

Life is but a fleeting moment.

and indeed death is just around the corner.

Monday, March 14, 2011

oh material world

Don't get me wrong, I like expensive stuff.

I especially like clothes that can look so simple, so understated, and yet the price tag can make me choke if I think too much about it.

I have been guilty to buy hairclips at 19.90...and other annoying stuff that will be lost after few months of purchase.

I have paid a ridiculous amount on a bag.

Had I not waste my money I probably can go to hajj by now!


And observing people around me, I am assured that I am not an isolated case, in fact, it just seems so neutral now.

I used to come back from shopping and tried all the stuff excitedly for five minutes, and then busy myself thinking of the next things to get. Already! Sometimes, I'd be at the counter paying, and my mind would already be plotting of things to buy that will go perfect with this thing I just bought. Sometimes I feel guilty of my own thoughts, (I bad bad girl) but now I know it is the very nature of desire to never feel satisfied.

"If the son of Adam were given a valley full of gold, he would love to have a second one; and if he were given a second one, he would love to have a third, for nothing fills the belly of Adam's son except dust. and Allah forgives those who repent to Him." (Al-Bukhari: 446)

So what stopped me on my never ending quench for stuff?

Alhamdulillah, our house caught fire last year. It was devastating yes, but our house is prettier now Alhamdulillah. During those trying time it was hard to say that Allah just want to replace us with something better, and more importantly, teach me a lesson.

One thing I learn, I can live with much much less.

Second thing I learn, we wont even miss almost all the stuff we lost.
Third, with less stuff, we focus less on perfecting the perfect image of ourself, and we can dig in deep to much substantial stuff, for instance our character! I am not saying yes for scruffy outfits, but I know now to be moderate is the best gift you can give to yourself.

Fourth, our true friends will stick with us no matter what we wear, regardless how much or how little money we have.

As we grow older our lifestyle is determined by ourselves.

Its okay to have taste, its okay to want the best for ourselves, but at the end of the day its important to spend according to our pocket.

A 500 ringgit shirt can be a luxury for some, while for a millionaire, it might be a humble purchase.
Last nite I wanted to show hubby my new glasses. So I was winking, and rolling my eyes, moving my brows, and he was like 'what?!'
Finally I pointed to my new glasses, and he said, 'what's wrong with your eyes?'
grrrr. somebody shoot me now! Having four sisters I'm so used to having them noticing every tiny new things I've acquired, as little as a bookmark.

finally, I had to say 'I got myself a new glasses' (finally-my old glasses just keep falling now my face coz I sat on it) and he couldn't believe I would buy 'the same one'. its not the same!!!

My point is, the person that would care the most about how we look is, ourself.

To rise above our material desires is indeed a big feat, but you will start noticing more important things in life that can warm your heart like no materials can.

There is an advert near my house that advertise a 0% interest rate, for buying HANDBAGS.

If you cant pay cash for a handbag, forget it.

Handbags cant buy you love.

Okayyy on another note altogether, this picture arrive in my email, right on our four months wedding mark-which we didnt realize until last night.

hasben: *gasp. we forgot our fourversary!! (yes we are still at that stage where we count how many days we have been married, please forgive the excitement)

me: *gasp. what's the date?
hasben: 15th of March! you forgot! (see how he subtly blame me?!)
me: YOU forgot too!
hasben: I am not a WOMAN. (and now the whole female population)

I pray that Allah grant us all spouses that will be the coolness of our eyes. Love is indeed, a beautiful thing.

Someone asked me last nite, 'are you contented with your marriage life?'

and I was like mmmm [nodding] and in my head 'huh? contented? I is happy beyond words lah'.

"And among the signs is that He created you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and he has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (ArRum: 21)

I pray that Allah grant you mercy and put tranquility in your hearts, whoever you are.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

just rambling

oh and the world just keep spinning, and each day we are all closer to meet our creator.

I was watching an arabic class lecture and the language is like a big puzzle to me, that its just awesome. a puzzle is something that can be solved, understood, and completed and i am optimistic this time round that i will gain something valuable. its there, all this years, thrown at our face from the left, right and centre-finally, I feel like I'm cracking a secret code with this language, and that's probably why I'm excited. because it seems like a game to me.

well I'm on lesson 3, (lets not mention anything about hasben's LACK OF PROGRESS lately) and there will be many lessons yet to come.

we were at Borders yesterday and I remarked to hasben of my lack of interest with fiction nowadays. well. what can I say. I must have read hundreds of those and at some point I just got sick of it. hasben dramatically remarked "you have been given the light!!!" hmm...I guess this is the phase where I am bored of love stories; so full of sexual innuendos, and lack of substance. i feel like a makcik already.

My mind is thinking of those distressed people in Japan, and when I open facebook and find people complaining about the most ridiculous things, I just wanna put all these people in a box, and send them there.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

note for lazy days

Thank you hasben for buying me a new set of 'The History of Islam' series 'so that I won't have anymore craving for it.' I kept holding back to buy it considering the rows of books I haven't got round to.

But Allah knows best, I managed to read the introduction yesterday and found a beautiful ayat that just rings true to me.

"And that man can have nothing but what he does." An-Najm: 53: 39

What a beautiful sentence.

And from all aspect of life, you will gain nothing but what you do.

Ever seen old couple holding hands and lovingly talk to each other? Than know that it's not a result of love or magic, it's a result of their hard work and commitment at the relationship.

Who is the most successful person you know? Know that he worked hard at it.

When is your happiest moment in life? All the trials you faced before that let you taste the sweetness of joy.

Just as your soul will only be carrying your own sin, know that your soul will only benefit from the good that one earns for himself.

Abu Hurayrah said that the Prophet Muhammad SAW said:

"When a person dies, his deeds will cease except in three cases: from a righteous son who invokes Allah for him, or an ongoing charity after his death, or knowledge that people benefit from."

Well one's son does not just pop out overnight and become righteous does he? Who takes care of him when he was unable to take care of himself? Who instill all the good morals and behaviors in him?

"...and one offspring are among what he has earned" 7:241.

Does the ongoing charity appear by itself or initiated by someone? Just as one walk on a sand and leave a trail of his footsteps, the deed is but a trace of one owns action.

'..We record that which they send before (them) and their traces.' 36:12

and lastly,

"Whoever invites to guidance, he will earn as much reward as those who follow him, without decreasing anything out of their own rewards." Muslim 4: 2060.

So when you are feeling lazy remember,

"and that man can have nothing but what he does."

Saturday, March 5, 2011

whats next

we will be attending a special wedding shortly, these two people are matched by hasben! alhamdulillah. its funny remembering how my hasben kept sending sms to the groom to encourage him getting married, something like 'bestnya ada isteri boleh pegang tangan' etc!.

anyway the wedding day will probably mark a big change in anyone's life. its a huge turning point and how glad I am to have passed that stage, so that I can concentrate on a bigger thing to come which will make anyone's wedding day pale in comparison.

well, there will be another big day or days when one will give birth (and then again and again) and of course minus the fairy tales. *sigh. what a blessing a wedding is! all we think about is buying a beautiful dress, seeing our husband looking good, glancing at each other nervously, meeting family and friends. all NICE things. what about birth? well seeing the baby would be awesome, but the PAIN. and what freak me out the most is there will most likely be SCISSORS involved, and no it wont be used to cut your hair! argh! I'll just be in a state of denial of the things to come. but of course, the good news is if I die during childbirth I will get the rewards of a martyr.i still dont like the scissors! and for me there will be a huge possibility that hasben wont be next to me during all that gory stage because he is afraid of BLOOD. my big macho hasben who wont say 'see you soon' because its not manly enough for him is scared of blood! its doesnt make any sense! anyway in case you are wondering I am not pregnant yet!

going back to my point. what is the very special day that is bigger than any wedding day or other days after that?


What will it be like, when we gasp for that very final breath, will it be a gasp full of anticipation, to utter that 'lailahaillallah' ( if God wills ) or a gasp of anguish and regret?

Its a reality and the fact that it could happen any second, minute, day or year should make one busy preparing for that day.

The question is, am i preparing it at least as hard (and it should be much much much much harder) as I prepared for my wedding?

DEATH. don't forget!

Friday, March 4, 2011

you can be the happiest woman

and so the other other night I cried over a private matter (not everything should be shared online!) and well... I didn't want my mother in law to see my swollen eyes. So I put on lots of baby powder on my face which make my face look whiter than snow white.

So I went down to meet my hasben and he glanced at me over his plate, 'your eyes are sooo red. are you wearing powder to cover up? gee it just makes it worse. you wouldn't make a good a spy.' *laughing as always

me: 'what powder?' (quickly rubbing the powder off)

oh well, life is not always fun. but we do, we do have a choice as to how we want to react to situations.

its okay to cry, sometimes it makes you feel better, but to smile and laugh when the going gets tough makes you a better, stronger person.

hasben is recovering now, and I'm glad, Alhamdulillah!!! it has gotten into his head that making me jump is very funny, and I keep finding him jumping out from this wall and that door that I think a permanent heart attack will be part of my life now.

I did not know much about this guy when I proposed, and I know now Allah has given me big blessings by giving him as a hasben.

I am retyping a d'ua book to be printed.

Back to Work!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

door & window?

"when one door closes, another will open. when a window breaks, it will be replaced."

thank you my long lost friend, for dropping this advice to me.

sometimes it gets a bit dark along the way, and we feel afraid to move forward.

we just gotta have faith we'll see the light soon.

and we keep going forward.

and when we do see the light, its the best feeling in the world.

proper greeting

a husband would expect a nice warm welcome from his wife when he returns from work.

wait for him at the door and smile and pay full attention to his needs. a cold drink? meals? a shower?

dont wait for him at the door with a list of complains waiting for him.

dont be busy washing, reading, sleeping, or relaxing and make he call for you.

dont smell bad

this stuff didnt matter so much before as I would pick him up from work and we'd enter the house together.

now that I am home earlier than him, have to be more alert.

our best self should be displayed in front of our spouses more than anyone else :D

I am so grateful to be married because I am pushed to improve myself every day.