hang in there

'Aboo Sa’eed al-Khudree and Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with them both) reported that: “The Prophet SAW said, ‘A Muslim does not meet with fatigue or tiredness or concern or sorrow or injury or grief, not so much as a thorn-prick but that Allah expiates his errors for him by that.’” Al-Bukharee and Muslim.

This narration and such others describe the fact that Allah’s mercy over the Muslim is extremely great. Aside from the favours of not affirming servitude to any deity except Allah, and believing in and following the Prophet Saw, his pains and sorrow also bring benefits to him as long as he bears them patiently, not wailing over them.'

*These are taken form the latest book by Da'wah Corner-'Tremendous Benefits'

I try to gulp down the hadeeth, realizing pain and sorrow is not easy. waiting is not easy. in order to gain something from our pain, patience is the key. the dreaded P word, when its easier to scream and shout, and to loose hope.

I tell myself to try dance in the rain, and smile during a storm.

There is something beautiful about hanging in there.

So that eventually, after the cloud has finished pouring out its tears, and we can almost feel the warmth of the sun, we truly appreciate the joy of a bright day.

Finally, when we thank Allah for the gift, we truly thank Him.

The sweetness of patience is like no other.

Just hang in there.

happiness

in marriage is earned through hard work. if before married, i see my friend's family photos and think: 'how nice!! to be able to be granted such joy, and companionship!'

now i see it and think 'how nice! to taste such joy after working hard to build and maintain a family.'

i have 3 minutes before my (own) scheduled time of cooking today.

anyway, somebody important to me has asked 'when am i going to get a real job.'

as in a 9-5 proper job with at least 20 colleagues to chill with, and AC office, and a boss I can argue with from time to time.

i said, "but I'm happy now with my current situation."

the person said, "yeah, but you can't be freelancing forever."

i was quite flabbergasted at the frank remark. i think this was a first pressure-remark that has come my way.i remember one of my friend who said she faced the same thing, and now i know how it feels!

it amazes me how other people like to think they know what's better for us, when our whole circumstances is not even understood by them.

this person does not understand:

1. that at the moment I am still trying to juggle my marriage in the best way possible. I have a husband with bundles of energy, who might ask me out for a date at 1.00 am. my husband also doesn't have an exact punch-in time with his work, and I like to keep him company in the morning.

2. at the moment haven't found any flexible full time job that makes me wanna jump at the opportunity.

3. i am taking a paid crafting class and has promised to be involved in yet another freelance project.

4. i am yet to recover from all the office drama i saw and heard from my previous job.

5. i LIKE what i'm doing now.

6. and so... taking a fulltime job is not in my best interest.

I have at least learn something from this rather unpleasant conversation-

it reminds me not to judge others just because they are doing something I would not do myself. who knows, his/her situation compels that person to take that action in the first place. I then would have sinned for judging another person, and perhaps, talking about it to others I would have gotten another sin for backbiting.

i think hasben will rebuke me for even wasting my time to defend myself- when i totally dont have to (and stealing cooking time pulak!) but i am only human...sometimes words that people say can leave a mark.

okay... got some chicken waiting to be fried. (if im working i'd be stuck in a jam!)

ok ok enough of defending myself. writing about chicken makes me miss my hasben.. haha!

a small lesson

yesterday was quite a full day. after our class, sending friends home, and dinner, i was quite glad to be able to see my bed. i think hasben was quite flat also, especially after a whole day with me which is not always easy. especially yesterday, the car's air conditioner was not functioning pulak. alhamdulillahiala kulli hal.

anyway i took a long bath, (everyday is a long bath according to hasben-but i can tell the difference!) when i came out hasben already fall asleep waiting for me. on his stomach was a candy he found while cleaning my messy bag.

so i quietly took the candy to put it aside, which woke hasben up. he asked if he can have the candy. i said of course! i didnt even like the candy. so he ate it.

few moments later i asked why didnt he just take and eat the candy before.

"because its yours."

subhanaAllah. such small gesture, but it made an impact on me.

and i take this small lesson as the 'precioustest' gift for our sevenmonthlyversary.(hehehe. you can roll your eyes now!)

*the other gift is a book.

such incidents as above has triggered me to be so obsessively advice my single friends-

when looking for a spouse don't go for HANDSOME, MACHO, RICH, or FAMOUS.

go for the one with the DEEN and you will find that God will put in the rest of the good outwardly things anyway.(yes hasben you are very HANDSOME)

most of the feedback i get, YES I KNOW, I KNOW.

i know you know, but what are you going to do with what YOU KNOW?

*in no way i am claiming my life is perfect- but whatever lesson i've learnt, i like to share, and likewise, i like to take lesson from other people's experience too...

abaya

Da'wah Corner recently brought some new abayas from Saudi for its Malaysian market.

I got most of my abaya from this shop, particularly because of its feminine cut and kain yang tak panas. Lately I've been wearing it quite often because my hasben like it. (Quite frankly-most my clothes pun dah takde sejak kebakaran, and takde mood pergi shopping sejak my hasben gave me the book 'Gila Belanja'. cis.)

Actually the men's jubahs are excellent too, but its not up in the blog yet...

Here's the link! www.dcbgoods.blogspot.com

a quick one

before dashing off to a local craft shop- i left my sewing machine there for the time being, discovering its functions is much easier now with someone to guide me.

i have 2 weeks ish to finish my unfinished projects with da'wah corner and craft shop (this for fun), before the Selangor bookfair. finishing off part is not as fun as the starting part.

life after marriage is definitely more hectic, but its nice, you know, to have someone to provide for you, take care of you and save you if you drown (at least i hope so!)

not having a 9-5 job has drop my stress level so much, yeah! (though im not sure whether this will be a permanent thing)

however i miss the intellectual challenge of being an editor- i am such a geek!

which leads me to stacking up on books, particular interest is on parenting and death topics- how ironic!

(going off topic here, few weeks back i asked hasben if he'll get free books if he quit his job, and he said yes on ALL THE TITLES. there i was smiling and jumping up and down at the thought of having all those books in our home one day. then few days after, while helping at the bookstore when new shipment of books came, i slyly told him- "if ever, you gonna quit you have to pick the right time." "what do you mean right time?" "when new shipment arrived!" i whispered excitedly. "why?" he seemed pretty foggy with my idea. "so you can get all the new titles!!"
at this point he laughed his you-pitiful-waif laugh. "I will only get ALL titles published by us." which is 5% of the all the books of course. huh- unfortunately I have to continue with my book purchases, perhaps more frantically now.)


anyway, i find death topics refreshing, should the grave be our beds TONIGHT are we prepared for it? hah this thought leave me shaky, hasben thought me to make prayer that Allah grant us khusnul khatimah or a good ending.

as good, and fantastic marriage is i am constantly aware that one day i will be separated from my dear hasben (a thought that sometimes bring me to tears) sometimes i see him in his sleep, his hand in mine, i wonder when will be the last time i get to hold his hand like this? but depressing thought, i know! but such thoughts keeps me on my toe to try me best to be a good waif to him.

*i have to go!

what bosses are for

i think most people have those moments where they just want to squash their bosses, and drink it down their throat.

i've seen my colleague personally cried, clenched their fist in front of me to show their anger and drown themselves with excessive food so as to 'let it go'.

i have yet to see anybody react uncontrollably in front of the boss himself. somehow that composure remains, that sabr is exercised so well.

my boss have shouted at me, and i could coolly pretend it does not matter. i didnt even flinch or falter, which to be honest amaze me too.

im just trying to figure it out why is it so hard to maintain that patience with people closest to me. somehow the rebel in me keep showing up.

i think i was more patience when i volunteered at a disable place, where sometimes, the kids, because they cannot control their own face muscle would spat at me while talking.

i feel ashamed that i cannot be as patient with my partner now. perhaps its because of his very tolerable nature, it is easier to become defensive.

i feel ashamed that i can loose my cool in front of my aged parents, when they have tolerated so many of my shortcomings.

thus i am on a path of struggle. to fight with my own self, against intolerance, against impatience.

part of becoming an adult is learning to forgive.

part of becoming an adult is learning to show mercy.

people talk about the big things, so many dream of becoming great, of saving the world. heck, some are even angry about the use of plastic bags!

but if we cannot even show respect, love and mercy to our love ones, in the long run the consequence will be felt in ourselves.

sometimes i wonder why there are unrest and uneasiness inside, but after reflecting my own actions, i see cracks that need to be mended. i see hearts that need to be consoled.

thus, the boss has become the best catalyst for me to exercise putting my best self forward.

now its just a matter of treating everybody like i would, towards him.

happiness comes from concerning about others more than we do about ourselves.

energyy

phwoar!! writing feels like ancient history to me, in fact i almost forgot where the letters go on my keyboard! ( and this, my dear students is an exaggeration. that's right, use double g's!) ah, i do miss teaching sometimes. i loved looking at my students faces, their serious expressions in trying to understand what i said or implied, and sometimes their sudden outburst of laughter that just light up the whole room. i remember now one of my classroom, with its scenic view of green trees and blue sky- amidst our chaotic ramblings, those moments where i wished for time to freeze, so that i could savor the joy slightly longer.

my 'quietness' in my writing is because life has been hectic, with too many moments i just want to freeze. finally, i think after weeks without enough rest, i decided to put a stop today to give way to room cleaning. i dropped dead for quite sometime, Allah knows I need it!

It turns out my hasben is a real social bee with abundance of energy to spare- (must be all those honey) thus even my weekend is packed with classes, work, visiting my parents, and...coordinating this with whatever plan my hasben has. when i was single i thought my activities were hectic already with different classes, volunteering, and the likes. i thought once married i would somehow 'settle down'. those who say such things probably have never been married.

because i dont eat a lot my energy level is lower, thus making me easily burnt-which at times must iritates mr. energetic. but what can i do!! right now Im eating more supplement foods, like dates, honey, habatus sauda to catch up!

last night, after our class ended (we go to class on tuesday night where we study one religious book with an ustaz. the understanding will be different and deeper as compared to when one reads alone) hasben wanted to go to our second home to buy some groceries. our items are pretty much consistent: we always buy:

1. chicken
2. tons of milk (minimum 8 boxes)
3. barbican
4. ice cream
5. hot dog
6. bliss drink for waif.
7. eggs

after we got home (midnight) hasben decided to have a 'picnic on bed' so i had to throw some frozen pizza in the oven, heat up a chicken soup and make some garlic bread. i even spread out a picnic blanket on our bed to complete the whole night fiesta theme. hehe. it turned out, because waif started to get cranky while baking the pizza, it wasn't properly baked. hasben decided to go all the way downstairs to BAKE IT AGAIN at 1 o clock in the morning. and then we continued our picnic.

finally, at about 2 am hasben started to get drowsy (no i did not use drug on him) and started to talk less. that means bedtime is near. after some more conversation in the dark, i heard a gentle snore (tak la gentle sangat) signaling resting time. phew!

while washing the dishes yesterday i could not help but felt a sense of gratitude that each moments in my life now is spent on my family, or work, or learning; that hopefully will benefit me in the hereafter.

as my boss would say, "If you are busy (with worthwhile things), be thankful. It's a good sign that you're improving yourself."