The procastrinator-baaaa

I just watched a short trailer to the book 'You're not so smart' and it hits me right in the nose. (though i dont get some of the stuff, in the vid)

I have been procrastinating so badly, that I began thinking about its effect on my life. To think that I could be learning new things by now, but because I have been delaying doing something that really, should have been dealt with ages ago- I'm STUCK.

It also got me thinking about how I always like my hubby to do certain things when I want it, like cleaning his things, or praying, or doing some things for me (this is worse)- and not applying the same standard to myself!

Its time to catch up with those things that I have been delaying with for ages. Yikes. You know that you are doing something right when its so difficult to start!

I wanna be like hasben, always focused in doing things! I can't even focus my camera right...but I'll get there.

on cooking

The last few months my cooking progress is speeding up! There's something about home-cooked food, in its simplicity and made with LOVE that makes them great.

And so I've been trying to make lots of meal revolving chicken, chicken and more chicken. Hasben's favourite is a simple chicken sambal- that I have to somewhat reluctantly admit not to my liking! *Sigh. In the beginning of the marriage I tried to like every food he likes, which would make it easier to cook too. But I kept eating less and less, and this week I have come to term that we have totally different likings when it comes to food and its okay not to like what he likes! Like today, I made him his spicy meal, and for me, a milder version with lots of potato.

There are few meals that we both like though (hooraah!)- Below is my attempt to cook one of them, Nasi Ayam Hainan. I was quite surprised at how easy it is to make nasik ayam.

Marinate chicken with garlic, ginger, oyster sauce, honey, and sesame seed oil (minyak bijan) which will give a lovely brown color to the chicken. When I first opened the sesame seed oil bottle I thought "phwoar! this smells like nasik ayam shop!" duh!!! blonde moment again.

Pop the chicken in the oven, and meanwhile cut some onions and take out some herbs like cinnamon stick, and those you can see in the picture. I just took all the herbs I could find. As usual, some serai and halia, and chicken stock.

Wash the rice.

Fry the other babies until they smell good, mix them with the rice and add water. Press cook!

It was raining outside, and I stared at this tree for a while...

After turning them over several times, I took them out of the oven. Yum!!

Prepare some onions, black pepper, chicken and sup bunjut to make some chicken soup.

Mix them up! Put some salt until they taste you know, soupy.

I cheat the next step. Just bought some chili oil from Roast Kitchen Restaurant and its all done! I forgot to take picture of all the nasik ayam put together.

A great tip I got from an aunty is to always take a bath and get rid of your 'kitchen outfit' before hasben gets home. They wanna smell the chicken, but not on you! Cooking is easy but TIRING but you don't have to tell your guy that...when they come home just say "Oh this thing? I just throw some stuff up and they turn out..not so bad eh?"
:D Padahal dah 3 jam kat dapur kan. mwahahaaahha. Remember the intention is to please Allah so greet him with a dashing smile. smile!

Puzzini-Swedish Italian Pizza

Hasben wants me to write about Puzzini, a Swedish Italian restaurant at Uptown Damansara. Each time I invite him to Pizza Hut or Dominos, he would always tell me that they are nothing compared to this place. So I was like, 'Well, take me there then!'. Finally, we got round to this place (he has lots of eating places that 'I should try')

I like! For everyday dating its quite pricey, but for those special days its top! Each dish has its own distinctive taste, and if you eat with my hasben you'll even get a live feed (pardon the pun) on each of the menu.

Fresh hot bun with butter as appetizer. I really should try to make this!

Beef lasagna, generous amount of meat and cheese that just melt in your mouth.

I tried this baked fish with cream sauce and cheese. Creamy, and the fish well cooked. Delicious! Oh and I so dig melted cheese, swirling them with my fork, and pulling it from the plate, and... NGAP. I told my hasben that I felt so Italian, he quickly remarked 'You are! That's why you are living with your in laws!' (It is an honour to live with the in laws in Italian culture)

The baked fish comes with mashed potato and salad. I also tried the baked potato, but I like this one better.

Hasben ordered chicken scwartvbjghu- I don't know how to say/spell it! Its basically chicken breast with melted cheese inside, and a mouth-watering mushroom sauce.

We had this Puzzini Pizza before anything else. The dough is thin and crunchy, and just enough tomato sauce and cheese, and fresh veggies. This is also the only time when my hasben can accept veggies as food.

Err...yes it was just the two of us that night.

We must have been really starving!

Hasben showing off his meal. Or should I say one of his meals!

Actually it's quite rare for us to snap a picture together. We'll be back, inshaAllah...

September 11 Wedding

I is a bad reporter! All my news are old news! hahahaa

Anyway I want to write about Nawwar and Zul's wedding because...my hasben matched this two up *clap clap to hasben! I am very proud of you, hasben! May Allah make all the couples that you matched the happiest pairs of all! There are so many stories about his whole match making journey, and all these people really make our life colourful! This should be in my list of topics I should write about!

Back to the topic, remember Robert? yes!! our mysterious wedding cameraman who disappeared with our pictures for months?hehehe. Oklah..I have to burst the bubble (anyway we received the LOVELY wedding album- he gave it to us on our way to meet Nawwar's parents to tell his intention of marrying their daughter, while me and hasben were there for the shepherd's pie!)...his real name turns out to be Zul who turns out to be Nawwar hasben! It all works out perfectly in the end.

Before the akad....Nawwar with her cousin Nabila.


After the akad everyone lega!

And my hasben very happy!

Kak Siti (green lady) also very happy. She has witnessed all our love stories yang penuh drama!

Final picture before leaving home.

Not before offering to take this cute kid home though, sadly she said NO! Big mistake kid, it would be fun living with us!

Ramadhan

The race is almost over and I can almost see finishing line. I can almost feel the satisfaction of a continuous struggle to improve oneself. Indeed, anyone, who joins a race, who works towards the same goal would all feel the same way. Regardless, whether one cheats along the way. Regardless, whether one fails some requirements of the competition.

I am home, after the (supposedly last tarawih) for the year. As I recall the final moment there, the hugs and handshakes between us, the whispers of 'May Allah accept all our deeds,' I wonder, who among us have truly succeed in this month. and I wonder, whether I am one of those lucky people whom Allah would forgive all of their previous sins.

For me, it has been a humbling month, a (constant) struggle to submit my soul, wholly, to the One who created me.

Having been unemployed for some time (my freelance work at the moment totally lack intellectual challenge, and so I consider myself not working! ahah!) I somewhat reluctantly had to revise my spending habit. and it is, I admit, more of an EGO thing that makes it hard. I also realize that once you are married, your lifestyle will somewhat change naturally. If before, your lifestyle was determined by your parents; now its level is determined by a different person, with a different pocket size. it can go three ways: a) your lifestyle remain the same b) somewhat you move up a notch or two c) somewhat you move down a notch or two. and you adjust accordingly. now, before you start thinking that i married a farmer who's living in a wooden hut and I've started to wear straw hat and flip-flops, let me just tell you you are wrong. the straw hat idea is not too bad though...

anyway, i am adjusting well, in fact i have never been happier. Allah has freed me from the shackle of...ADDICTION TO SHOP FOR STUFF. It is very liberating not to splash hundreds on clothes or hair products. Though its harder with handbag, if i see one I like, I can feel the itch in my palm to swipe my card over the counter.

I see now the beauty of Islam where the husband becomes the provider for women. though the money is there, any good wife wouldn't waste it, knowing how hard the husband works for it. (now i still shop, moderately most of the time. the trick for the hasben is not to give cash in bulk at one time :D)

If you think you are over spending, stop it now! for the habit will drain your precious energy, and you'll be chasing for more money all the time. if you feel that your money is running quicker than a squirrel (yes, they do run), yet you can't quite point out what you spent with it, reassess where you get the money from, your shopping habit, and your goal in life. chasing dunya is a never ending quest that will only be satisfied with the dust from your grave!

Anyway, a bigger reason of the change in lifestyle is also because there are simply more substantial things to plan and think about. if before marriage, we all aim through this sacred bond to get closer to Allah, and to get to jannah. after marriage the goal becomes clearer, more real, and tangible. its like someone who's been planning for years to do something. when she finds a partner who actually wants to achieve the same thing as her (if he's not yours yet catch him faster than you can say CATCH! this is your EEMAN you wanna protect) , it becomes a huge motivator for her to actually take bigger steps towards the aim.

somehow other things become less important...living with a spouse gives you the chance to reflect how much you really have done for your goal. because he's working towards the same goal, and you see his milestone, and you do not want to be left behind. and a good partner won't leave you behind. oh gosh that sounds soo corny. alamak now i remember some lines from a movie, where the man gives the girl a flower to wear on her wrist and he says "I hope this is not too corny." and she says "I've been looking for corny all my life." hahahhaaaaa. corniness gives me goosebumps, and i still cant determine how i can hate and love it at the same time!

anyway, back to the topic. what have Ramadhan done to me?

well it further emphasize the big change that marriage has brought. I have a new family. and new sets of extended family. doing something big and important with my new family (in this case experiencing Ramadhan together) has further force me to adjust myself in accepting my new life. i don't know how other recently married girls deal with it, and their speed in adjusting to their new life, but for me it takes time. new things take time to be adjusted to. the nest is different, and therefore the body needs to acclimate itself with its new habitat.

i must admit that in one of the early days of Ramadhan, during sahur I cried. I missed my family, i missed that sense of familiarity, i missed being goofy with my sisters, and laughing for the silliest things... in my new house (this is my first ramadhan with hasben) it felt different. I quickly dried my tears and told myself to get myself together. This is my family now.

the last few days, one sweet day I finally, finally let go. for a while, I was too busy comparing my family and my hasben's family. they are definitely more outspoken with each other than we would. at first i thought it was just plain rude. when my hasben is not pleased with his parents, he would just say it to their face. likewise they would do the same, and even to me.

my family would eat together during dinner, here they would eat at different time. and many other differences...these things messed my head for a while, finally i decided to embrace the concept of accepting people as they are.

its easy to say we've been practicing this all the way, but do we really mean it? on my part i think i have been too forceful to change people to be better Muslims, to follow the Sunnah; when i know that only Allah can give guidance to whom He wants.

إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِي مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَكِنَّ اللَّهَ يَهْدِي مَن يَشَاء وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ

Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided.

[28.56]

All we can do is try our best to to be better Muslim our self, seeing our flaws before seeing others first! and invite others in embracing this beautiful religion. if you are one of those friends whom i have aggressively smoulder with religious concepts and lines, i am sorry. i am only doing it because i love you that much :) and may Allah guide all of us...

Finally, what have Ramadhan done to us as husband and wife?

Definitely less arguments :D (mostly because I am stubborn) and more patience and mercy towards each other. I try not to dwell too much on the fact that hasben doesn't know where to put his wet towels, and he forgives my goldfish memory especially when it comes to where i put his stuff. i have also accept the fact that he cannot read my mind, and i must say what i'm thinking. he also has accept the fact that women can cry for no apparent reason, and yes, their scarf must match their clothes.

So many lessons i've learnt within the span of one month, and i dont think i can squeeze them all in this post.

All in all, I've been reminded about being human. we are all full of flaws and imperfection, and there will always be a mixture of sadness and happiness in life. that's just life!

Soon, Eid will arrive, and indeed it should be a happy day for all of us who have been striving to be better Muslims. may the joy of Eid reminds us of the real joy in the hereafter, and further motivates us to take a step forward towards it.

Let's remember this ayat, and structure our life around it. Let's remember why we are here!

وَمَا خَلَقْتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ

And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.

[Quran 51:56]

May the upcoming months be better for all of us, and may Allah let us taste the sweetness of Ramadhan again, next year.

Islam is Amazing and I LOVE being a Muslim! Alhamdulillah.

Allahuakhbar!

perhentian 7-10 july

We couldn't have picked the more perfect getaway time! The hot weekend when Bersih demonstration was going on, we were here, at Perhentian (kecil) Island. It was my first time being there, and I loved it. Anyway what's not to love? The sky was blue, the ocean was blue, the fishes incredible. Soon as I boarded the boat to get to the island (a 30 minutes ride)

I could feel all my stress and worry being blown away by the wind. The difference this time with my previous travels is I had a mahram with me, and having learnt about the great virtue of making doa when you are a musafir (traveller) I increased my prayers. It proved to be a very therapeutic act, one that increased my joy of being in such gorgeous environment.

From my observation Perhentian Kecil's visitors mainly are young backpackers who would come in a group or as couples. The chalet are very affordable and provide basic amenities, but we took a slightly fancier chalet at Moonlight because of its private bathroom with hot shower (for the wife) and aircond (for the hasben). The best thing about Perhentian Kecil is that it has its own snorkeling place, and we don't have to hitch the water taxi. Staying at Moonlight, its about 2 minutes walk, and made it easier for us to take a break in between our snorkeling session to eat and drink. Families tend to like Perhentian Besar (About 20 minutes away by boat ride) because of their nicely built resort and facilities. I guess the price would be higher too...



My hasben decided to buy our own snorkeling mask- because we have to 'bite' that thing tightly, I didn't find the prospect of renting it very appealing either. I mean there is SALIVA involved here. I was quite shocked at how many things hasben wanted to bring, like hair conditioner and baby oil ( a great tip i learnt is to 'soak' your hair with baby oil before entering the sea so that it remains soft and tangle free. the only down side is it took me longer to dry my hair because of the oil), sunblock, after sun lotion, dettol, minyak gamat, cotton bud, panadol, balm and few other things. but they all proved to be useful. hasben hurt himself underwater, corals and rocks are very sharp i tell you. while trying to catch a breath, he stood on a rock underwater and it cut through his feet. ouch! I also brought my contact lens to see the fishes better, but it turned out to be a hassle to wear that I neglected them in the end.

anyhow, at one time hasben saw a black tip shark which is pretty big. he excitedly pointed it to me and I MISSED it. (dont ask me how i could miss a massive fish when i could see even little nemo!)

when we got out hasben obviously couldn't hide his excitement:DID YOU SEE IT?

me: see what?

him: the BIG SHARK OF COURSE!!!

me: what shark!!

big mistake woman! i had to live with his sharky jokes for a while after ( hey there's no point if we go to shark point you know- me: why?!!! him: because you would miss it again! at which point he would laugh histerically at his own jokes. GROANNN.)

yesss. this shark swam in front of us and i missed it! perhaps Allah knows if i did see it i would panic. huhu... it was actually rare for the shark to swim near the shore, as it has its own territory..anyhow, this shark is pretty harmless. it doesn't attack on human, there are actually very few cases about it attacking human. pic from other website. we dont have a waterproof camera. would be nice though..



we saw a lot of different species of fish. these adorable stripy fishes like to bite on your feet and eat dead skin. very good, but quite ticklish. it made me laugh a few times, which allow water to get into my mouth, and then i regret it. hehehe.




We brought food, the food there is very expensive. We only dined out twice during dinner, and that cost us roughly Rm 80 per night. delicious though! at other time we only chilled out at the cafe for drinks, which is quite reasonable.


view from our room.





picnic by the beach. cute hasben was content with a cold drink, and i managed to listen to a lecture via mp3 player.




main activity. snorkeling! we spent hours in the water. the longest was 5 hours just snorkeling. most would only snorkel near the beach, but we went further. that's where the corals are! It was very tiring, mainly because my swimming partner turned out to be a fish in disguise. huh! at one time i was so exhausted that i signaled to him for a break. we climbed up to a rock nearby, with me thinking 'phew! finally! i can rest!' suddenly hasben started climbing up to get a better view and urging me to follow him. i was thinking 'are you kidding me? now we are MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING?' who says big people aren't fit? hehe. but the view was great though.



the clumsy waif on a boat. of course, i am a few shades darker now!


i asked hasben if he could be any animal what would he be?

his answer? a mermaid.

i tried another tactic. any REAL animal?

a unicorn.

never mind.

Nothing can beat the natural swimming pool. Allahuakbar. how great is Allah.




Mutiara Express proved to be a very comfy ride. but i was scared to death. as we took the night bus, it was speeding throughout. geram betul.

upon returning, I said this doa as taught by the Prophet (prayer upon returning from a journey):

'No deity has the right to be worshipped but Allah alone, he has no partner. His is all dominion, to Him all praise is due, and He is able to do all things. We return repentant, worshipping, and praising our Lord. He fulfilled His promise, He aided His slave, and He alone defeated Confederates.'

(Bukhari and Muslim)

may Allah make all our journey as a means to gain nearness to Him. Ameen.


"Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and earth, and the alternation of the night and the day, and the [great] ships which sail through the sea with that which benefits people, and what Allah has sent down from the heavens of rain, giving life thereby to the earth after its lifelessness and dispersing therein every [kind of] moving creature, and [His] directing of the winds and the clouds controlled between the heaven and the earth are signs for a people who use reason."

Al-Baqarah: 164

Sungai Gabai-Mei

Noon time

To see your partner at peace is another nikmah mashaAllah

We actually went to Sungai Gabai around May, but I have just discovered the photos last night! Nature has a way to calm us isn't it? We climbed pretty further up to avoid the crowd, and found a quiet spot way up the waterfall area. I wished we brought hot coffee that day, boy, we were shivering. I can almost hear the sound of the river now. Definitely coming back, inshaAllah!

midnight

a peaceful time to contemplate-
was i a better person today than yesterday?
did i learn anything new today?
did i forgive more than i judge?
what's my gameplan for tomorrow? i.e. what's my strategy to increase my amal for my akhirah.
in the furthest part of my heart; i wonder if at the last moment of my life i'll be able to utter the sacred word 'lailahaillallah'?
in this long winding journey of life, sometimes i wonder about the destination itself.
its too foggy, unclear, and sometimes too lonely.
sometimes it does not matter how many people there are around me.
some thoughts i cannot put into words, i only understand its presence with the beating of my heart, or coldness in my fingers.
whenever i think of the hereafter i get like this.
like i dont know what to say.
i put a little hope in a jar, and the journey carries on.
step by step, inching forward, no matter how scared i am.

Selangor

greetings from Bandar Anggerik! i especially like the flowers around shah alam. nice!

the Selangor book fair is currently on; with much fewer turn outs than the one in PWTC.

I want to take a picture of our cozy booth which at times smell like delicious coffee- because i've been drinking a lot of it. it's very cold! which makes hasben happy and me slightly frozen, but its still bearable.

The working schedule for both of us is a bit tight, we only reach home near midnight. I have to put half my eyes close at the state of my bedroom at the moment. the only thing i manage to do is make the bed, and put our dirty laundry downstairs. yesterday we both work at the shop, alternating with other staff so we could get some rest. somebody treated us with a super nice lunch, which made me dizzy. i lied down, and ended up taking a 3 hour nap, and a slightly high temp. nevertheless, the human body can always make itself flexible enough to accept any tough new condition with ease. for that, i am grateful. anyway its less tougher than the KL book fair, and i miss the whole noisy fiesta. tough conditions make you tougher.

anyway my boss/hasben is back from prayer. (i persuaded him to try wearing sandals for the time being, so that his crack heels doesnt get any worse. we'll see how long this last! as for wearing shoes, im not quite sure when i'll win the argument. one step at a time woman!)

SUTRAH is an instant goodness.

I am not going to dwell heavily into this, the discussion about Sutrah can easily be found in books according to the way of the Prophet SAW.

I'd like to share it here, so at least if you read this, you can practice it instantly and get an instant goodness, and share it with your loved ones. (PLEASE share this with your love ones, I dare you!)

What's the deal?

secret key: SUTRAH

meaning: My family knows a similar term called SAPRAH, which is the fabric spread you put for dinner. SUTRAH is DIFFERENT.

basically it is object you put in front of you like a wall, (fantastic sutrah!) a chair, even a person sitting in front of you (if you're in a small surau) or anything that is pretty high (handbag doesn't count-its too small)

advantage:

1. you have just eliminate one common mistake done during solat, and get rewarded for it.

2. you have the right to stop anyone trying to cross between you and your sutrah. it is a big sin to cross in front of anyone in solat!

dalil (reference):

Here is the command for having Sutrah:

The Prophet SAW said:

"When one of you stands for Salah, there should be an object before him..." (Muslim: 510)

"I saw Allah's Messenger always seeking to perform Salah near the pillar." (Bukhari: 502)

example:

chair as sutrah

little desk as sutrah, and how to stop anyone trying to cross between you and your Sutrah.

easy! just stand near a wall or pillar, like the Prophet SAW did.

May Allah grant you the strength to practice having Sutrah each time you pray inshaAllah. If I can get even one person to practice this, I'm the happiest person in the world. Anything mind boggling here, PM, call, FB, or tweet me. of course, if you choose the last option, I wont reply because I only know the tweet of a bird. hehe.

Have a nice day!

hang in there

'Aboo Sa’eed al-Khudree and Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with them both) reported that: “The Prophet SAW said, ‘A Muslim does not meet with fatigue or tiredness or concern or sorrow or injury or grief, not so much as a thorn-prick but that Allah expiates his errors for him by that.’” Al-Bukharee and Muslim.

This narration and such others describe the fact that Allah’s mercy over the Muslim is extremely great. Aside from the favours of not affirming servitude to any deity except Allah, and believing in and following the Prophet Saw, his pains and sorrow also bring benefits to him as long as he bears them patiently, not wailing over them.'

*These are taken form the latest book by Da'wah Corner-'Tremendous Benefits'

I try to gulp down the hadeeth, realizing pain and sorrow is not easy. waiting is not easy. in order to gain something from our pain, patience is the key. the dreaded P word, when its easier to scream and shout, and to loose hope.

I tell myself to try dance in the rain, and smile during a storm.

There is something beautiful about hanging in there.

So that eventually, after the cloud has finished pouring out its tears, and we can almost feel the warmth of the sun, we truly appreciate the joy of a bright day.

Finally, when we thank Allah for the gift, we truly thank Him.

The sweetness of patience is like no other.

Just hang in there.

happiness

in marriage is earned through hard work. if before married, i see my friend's family photos and think: 'how nice!! to be able to be granted such joy, and companionship!'

now i see it and think 'how nice! to taste such joy after working hard to build and maintain a family.'

i have 3 minutes before my (own) scheduled time of cooking today.

anyway, somebody important to me has asked 'when am i going to get a real job.'

as in a 9-5 proper job with at least 20 colleagues to chill with, and AC office, and a boss I can argue with from time to time.

i said, "but I'm happy now with my current situation."

the person said, "yeah, but you can't be freelancing forever."

i was quite flabbergasted at the frank remark. i think this was a first pressure-remark that has come my way.i remember one of my friend who said she faced the same thing, and now i know how it feels!

it amazes me how other people like to think they know what's better for us, when our whole circumstances is not even understood by them.

this person does not understand:

1. that at the moment I am still trying to juggle my marriage in the best way possible. I have a husband with bundles of energy, who might ask me out for a date at 1.00 am. my husband also doesn't have an exact punch-in time with his work, and I like to keep him company in the morning.

2. at the moment haven't found any flexible full time job that makes me wanna jump at the opportunity.

3. i am taking a paid crafting class and has promised to be involved in yet another freelance project.

4. i am yet to recover from all the office drama i saw and heard from my previous job.

5. i LIKE what i'm doing now.

6. and so... taking a fulltime job is not in my best interest.

I have at least learn something from this rather unpleasant conversation-

it reminds me not to judge others just because they are doing something I would not do myself. who knows, his/her situation compels that person to take that action in the first place. I then would have sinned for judging another person, and perhaps, talking about it to others I would have gotten another sin for backbiting.

i think hasben will rebuke me for even wasting my time to defend myself- when i totally dont have to (and stealing cooking time pulak!) but i am only human...sometimes words that people say can leave a mark.

okay... got some chicken waiting to be fried. (if im working i'd be stuck in a jam!)

ok ok enough of defending myself. writing about chicken makes me miss my hasben.. haha!

a small lesson

yesterday was quite a full day. after our class, sending friends home, and dinner, i was quite glad to be able to see my bed. i think hasben was quite flat also, especially after a whole day with me which is not always easy. especially yesterday, the car's air conditioner was not functioning pulak. alhamdulillahiala kulli hal.

anyway i took a long bath, (everyday is a long bath according to hasben-but i can tell the difference!) when i came out hasben already fall asleep waiting for me. on his stomach was a candy he found while cleaning my messy bag.

so i quietly took the candy to put it aside, which woke hasben up. he asked if he can have the candy. i said of course! i didnt even like the candy. so he ate it.

few moments later i asked why didnt he just take and eat the candy before.

"because its yours."

subhanaAllah. such small gesture, but it made an impact on me.

and i take this small lesson as the 'precioustest' gift for our sevenmonthlyversary.(hehehe. you can roll your eyes now!)

*the other gift is a book.

such incidents as above has triggered me to be so obsessively advice my single friends-

when looking for a spouse don't go for HANDSOME, MACHO, RICH, or FAMOUS.

go for the one with the DEEN and you will find that God will put in the rest of the good outwardly things anyway.(yes hasben you are very HANDSOME)

most of the feedback i get, YES I KNOW, I KNOW.

i know you know, but what are you going to do with what YOU KNOW?

*in no way i am claiming my life is perfect- but whatever lesson i've learnt, i like to share, and likewise, i like to take lesson from other people's experience too...

abaya

Da'wah Corner recently brought some new abayas from Saudi for its Malaysian market.

I got most of my abaya from this shop, particularly because of its feminine cut and kain yang tak panas. Lately I've been wearing it quite often because my hasben like it. (Quite frankly-most my clothes pun dah takde sejak kebakaran, and takde mood pergi shopping sejak my hasben gave me the book 'Gila Belanja'. cis.)

Actually the men's jubahs are excellent too, but its not up in the blog yet...

Here's the link! www.dcbgoods.blogspot.com

a quick one

before dashing off to a local craft shop- i left my sewing machine there for the time being, discovering its functions is much easier now with someone to guide me.

i have 2 weeks ish to finish my unfinished projects with da'wah corner and craft shop (this for fun), before the Selangor bookfair. finishing off part is not as fun as the starting part.

life after marriage is definitely more hectic, but its nice, you know, to have someone to provide for you, take care of you and save you if you drown (at least i hope so!)

not having a 9-5 job has drop my stress level so much, yeah! (though im not sure whether this will be a permanent thing)

however i miss the intellectual challenge of being an editor- i am such a geek!

which leads me to stacking up on books, particular interest is on parenting and death topics- how ironic!

(going off topic here, few weeks back i asked hasben if he'll get free books if he quit his job, and he said yes on ALL THE TITLES. there i was smiling and jumping up and down at the thought of having all those books in our home one day. then few days after, while helping at the bookstore when new shipment of books came, i slyly told him- "if ever, you gonna quit you have to pick the right time." "what do you mean right time?" "when new shipment arrived!" i whispered excitedly. "why?" he seemed pretty foggy with my idea. "so you can get all the new titles!!"
at this point he laughed his you-pitiful-waif laugh. "I will only get ALL titles published by us." which is 5% of the all the books of course. huh- unfortunately I have to continue with my book purchases, perhaps more frantically now.)


anyway, i find death topics refreshing, should the grave be our beds TONIGHT are we prepared for it? hah this thought leave me shaky, hasben thought me to make prayer that Allah grant us khusnul khatimah or a good ending.

as good, and fantastic marriage is i am constantly aware that one day i will be separated from my dear hasben (a thought that sometimes bring me to tears) sometimes i see him in his sleep, his hand in mine, i wonder when will be the last time i get to hold his hand like this? but depressing thought, i know! but such thoughts keeps me on my toe to try me best to be a good waif to him.

*i have to go!

what bosses are for

i think most people have those moments where they just want to squash their bosses, and drink it down their throat.

i've seen my colleague personally cried, clenched their fist in front of me to show their anger and drown themselves with excessive food so as to 'let it go'.

i have yet to see anybody react uncontrollably in front of the boss himself. somehow that composure remains, that sabr is exercised so well.

my boss have shouted at me, and i could coolly pretend it does not matter. i didnt even flinch or falter, which to be honest amaze me too.

im just trying to figure it out why is it so hard to maintain that patience with people closest to me. somehow the rebel in me keep showing up.

i think i was more patience when i volunteered at a disable place, where sometimes, the kids, because they cannot control their own face muscle would spat at me while talking.

i feel ashamed that i cannot be as patient with my partner now. perhaps its because of his very tolerable nature, it is easier to become defensive.

i feel ashamed that i can loose my cool in front of my aged parents, when they have tolerated so many of my shortcomings.

thus i am on a path of struggle. to fight with my own self, against intolerance, against impatience.

part of becoming an adult is learning to forgive.

part of becoming an adult is learning to show mercy.

people talk about the big things, so many dream of becoming great, of saving the world. heck, some are even angry about the use of plastic bags!

but if we cannot even show respect, love and mercy to our love ones, in the long run the consequence will be felt in ourselves.

sometimes i wonder why there are unrest and uneasiness inside, but after reflecting my own actions, i see cracks that need to be mended. i see hearts that need to be consoled.

thus, the boss has become the best catalyst for me to exercise putting my best self forward.

now its just a matter of treating everybody like i would, towards him.

happiness comes from concerning about others more than we do about ourselves.

energyy

phwoar!! writing feels like ancient history to me, in fact i almost forgot where the letters go on my keyboard! ( and this, my dear students is an exaggeration. that's right, use double g's!) ah, i do miss teaching sometimes. i loved looking at my students faces, their serious expressions in trying to understand what i said or implied, and sometimes their sudden outburst of laughter that just light up the whole room. i remember now one of my classroom, with its scenic view of green trees and blue sky- amidst our chaotic ramblings, those moments where i wished for time to freeze, so that i could savor the joy slightly longer.

my 'quietness' in my writing is because life has been hectic, with too many moments i just want to freeze. finally, i think after weeks without enough rest, i decided to put a stop today to give way to room cleaning. i dropped dead for quite sometime, Allah knows I need it!

It turns out my hasben is a real social bee with abundance of energy to spare- (must be all those honey) thus even my weekend is packed with classes, work, visiting my parents, and...coordinating this with whatever plan my hasben has. when i was single i thought my activities were hectic already with different classes, volunteering, and the likes. i thought once married i would somehow 'settle down'. those who say such things probably have never been married.

because i dont eat a lot my energy level is lower, thus making me easily burnt-which at times must iritates mr. energetic. but what can i do!! right now Im eating more supplement foods, like dates, honey, habatus sauda to catch up!

last night, after our class ended (we go to class on tuesday night where we study one religious book with an ustaz. the understanding will be different and deeper as compared to when one reads alone) hasben wanted to go to our second home to buy some groceries. our items are pretty much consistent: we always buy:

1. chicken
2. tons of milk (minimum 8 boxes)
3. barbican
4. ice cream
5. hot dog
6. bliss drink for waif.
7. eggs

after we got home (midnight) hasben decided to have a 'picnic on bed' so i had to throw some frozen pizza in the oven, heat up a chicken soup and make some garlic bread. i even spread out a picnic blanket on our bed to complete the whole night fiesta theme. hehe. it turned out, because waif started to get cranky while baking the pizza, it wasn't properly baked. hasben decided to go all the way downstairs to BAKE IT AGAIN at 1 o clock in the morning. and then we continued our picnic.

finally, at about 2 am hasben started to get drowsy (no i did not use drug on him) and started to talk less. that means bedtime is near. after some more conversation in the dark, i heard a gentle snore (tak la gentle sangat) signaling resting time. phew!

while washing the dishes yesterday i could not help but felt a sense of gratitude that each moments in my life now is spent on my family, or work, or learning; that hopefully will benefit me in the hereafter.

as my boss would say, "If you are busy (with worthwhile things), be thankful. It's a good sign that you're improving yourself."

motivation

I cannot sleep tonight, and I came across the blog

The author has passed away, May grant him mercy after battling with cancer.

Reading about other people's life journey makes me wonder about my own journey. All the precious memories I can remember as if it only happened yesterday.

Life is but a fleeting moment.

and indeed death is just around the corner.

oh material world

Don't get me wrong, I like expensive stuff.

I especially like clothes that can look so simple, so understated, and yet the price tag can make me choke if I think too much about it.

I have been guilty to buy hairclips at 19.90...and other annoying stuff that will be lost after few months of purchase.

I have paid a ridiculous amount on a bag.

Had I not waste my money I probably can go to hajj by now!

Waa.

And observing people around me, I am assured that I am not an isolated case, in fact, it just seems so neutral now.

I used to come back from shopping and tried all the stuff excitedly for five minutes, and then busy myself thinking of the next things to get. Already! Sometimes, I'd be at the counter paying, and my mind would already be plotting of things to buy that will go perfect with this thing I just bought. Sometimes I feel guilty of my own thoughts, (I bad bad girl) but now I know it is the very nature of desire to never feel satisfied.

"If the son of Adam were given a valley full of gold, he would love to have a second one; and if he were given a second one, he would love to have a third, for nothing fills the belly of Adam's son except dust. and Allah forgives those who repent to Him." (Al-Bukhari: 446)

So what stopped me on my never ending quench for stuff?

Alhamdulillah, our house caught fire last year. It was devastating yes, but our house is prettier now Alhamdulillah. During those trying time it was hard to say that Allah just want to replace us with something better, and more importantly, teach me a lesson.

One thing I learn, I can live with much much less.

Second thing I learn, we wont even miss almost all the stuff we lost.

Third, with less stuff, we focus less on perfecting the perfect image of ourself, and we can dig in deep to much substantial stuff, for instance our character! I am not saying yes for scruffy outfits, but I know now to be moderate is the best gift you can give to yourself.

Fourth, our true friends will stick with us no matter what we wear, regardless how much or how little money we have.

As we grow older our lifestyle is determined by ourselves.

Its okay to have taste, its okay to want the best for ourselves, but at the end of the day its important to spend according to our pocket.

A 500 ringgit shirt can be a luxury for some, while for a millionaire, it might be a humble purchase.

Last nite I wanted to show hubby my new glasses. So I was winking, and rolling my eyes, moving my brows, and he was like 'what?!'

Finally I pointed to my new glasses, and he said, 'what's wrong with your eyes?'

grrrr. somebody shoot me now! Having four sisters I'm so used to having them noticing every tiny new things I've acquired, as little as a bookmark.

finally, I had to say 'I got myself a new glasses' (finally-my old glasses just keep falling now my face coz I sat on it) and he couldn't believe I would buy 'the same one'. its not the same!!!

My point is, the person that would care the most about how we look is, ourself.

To rise above our material desires is indeed a big feat, but you will start noticing more important things in life that can warm your heart like no materials can.

There is an advert near my house that advertise a 0% interest rate, for buying HANDBAGS.

If you cant pay cash for a handbag, forget it.

Handbags cant buy you love.

Okayyy on another note altogether, this picture arrive in my email, right on our four months wedding mark-which we didnt realize until last night.

hasben: *gasp. we forgot our fourversary!! (yes we are still at that stage where we count how many days we have been married, please forgive the excitement)

me: *gasp. what's the date?

hasben: 15th of March! you forgot! (see how he subtly blame me?!)

me: YOU forgot too!

hasben: I am not a WOMAN. (and now the whole female population)

I pray that Allah grant us all spouses that will be the coolness of our eyes. Love is indeed, a beautiful thing.

Someone asked me last nite, 'are you contented with your marriage life?'

and I was like mmmm [nodding] and in my head 'huh? contented? I is happy beyond words lah'.

"And among the signs is that He created you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and he has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (ArRum: 21)

I pray that Allah grant you mercy and put tranquility in your hearts, whoever you are.