its good to ask

and so hubby gave an interesting review about my poem.

'which pillow are you talking about? is it the one with peta-peta?'

hah. this is what happens when a literature girl marries a literal man.

thank you.

and so yesterday while combing my hair i casually asked him,

'so whats my worse worse habit that you have seen so far?'

without hesitation, he said

'your moodiness'.

'ahah. and my second worse habit?'

'you not smiling when you are moody.'

'and my third worse habit?'

'your moodiness.'

'so my bad habits basically revolve around this mood thing right?'

'yes what is up with your moods?'

speechless sekejap. but it got me thinking. i must really conquer this mood swings. as he said,

'not only it makes you feel bad, you also spread the badness to people around you.'

and worse, to the person i love the most. maafkan saya...

i think its good to ask things like this, getting things out in the open.

thinking of more questions to ask. there are so many things i do not realize about myself.

consumed

its so easy to be consumed with work. its addictive. and monetarily rewarding.

but life will go so fast, and ill regret not spending more time with my family.

hah. family! my family is so cute right now because theres just me, and him. hehe. cant get any smaller than this.

leaving work early today...yippee. i can see daylight. daylight? Im afraid I will get cuaca shock. and maybe melt like a vampire.

of wives and mothers

the kuala lumpur childrens book fair is over. though i was not directly involved, picking up husband each night, and working 7 days straight has been tiring. but so enjoyable to test my limit. ive got strained neck, sore body and eyebags. but the course i conducted yesterday was by far the most successful.at least i can smile about that. of course, few hours before that begged husband to kidnap me so i didnt have to face the crowd. huhu.

i have been thinking of wives and mothers, roles so universal; yet uniquely tailored according to one's ability. allahuakbar. continuously amazed. words of this poem has been floating in my brain for days! has to clean my braindrive from all these random thoughts.

the pillow
the comfort
the resting place

the pillow
engulfes empty spaces
the pillow
does not know its worth
nor does it realize its own beauty

the pillow
soft enough to be leaned on
hard enough for support
full of love
and compassion
without force
without you having to ask for it

the pillow
quietly trods through life
battered
honored

2010

phew! what a year.

I enjoyed the beginning of the year; still renting a room in the big city, in a flat known to be full of criminals. In fact my neighbor turned out to be a drug dealer! hah! the police has caught him. The dogs stopped barking at me, and I met a good tailor who can sew clothes super quick. I learnt screen printing, wasted lots of money on paints, sew few clothes and watched lots of movies. Planned to start saving up for posh studio apartment and travel the world.


up to middle year. Oops so busy doing editing for the bookfair. So happy this year being more experienced selling books. Met abang CD who turned out to be husband. got to know the best bookstore ever! because it introduce me to Islam in deeper ways.hehe. abang CD told me about al-khadeem. best jugak. also he told me about music being haram. kurang best in the beginning. he tricked me by listening to one of my fav speaker khalid yassin, talk about music. so licik! huhu.

middle year. opened the door to my room in Shah Alam. saw black smoke. screamed for dad. we rushed out. top house exploded. my clothes and money got burnt. hah nampaknya dah miskin. huhu. we pindah rumah temporary. so tiny, so hot. mashaAllah. ujian hebat. abang CD proposed. hah. another mashaAllah.

after middle year. begged mak ayah nak kawin cepat. few small drama lah jugak. antara ayat yang diwar-warkan masa tu 'bila nak jumpa Imran ni? bila boleh datang rumah ni? nak kawinnnn, please nak kawinnn awal, bila nak kawin ni??? mak please nak kawin awal, i dont care! kawinkan saya! kawinnnnn' hahaahaaa. finally Imran could meet parents. we both demam tergezut wish finally granted. masa tunang demam. and few times after that demam. terkejut, stress, overjoyed.demam time!

almost end of year.kawin. pegi honeymoon. trying to get used waking up in the middle of the night and see a big guy next to me. remind myself im married, it is only hasben, and not pencuri. hahaha. ini effect duduk flat kot. banyak jumpa penjenayah!

almost almost end. braved myself to give 2 months notice to find a better prospect. slowly piecing it all together. nampaknya tak semua plan menjadi. Allah knows best!

waaa. alhamdulillahiala kullihal.

24

Yesterday I turned 24.

Me, husband, my in laws, Imran's anak sedara/our pet child Balqis went out for dinner. Arif my adik ipar joined in later.

In the restaurant there is an aquarium of oren fish, swimming. Next to it a christmas tree. Our pet loved it. I love watching her eyes lit up when I pointed to one fish who was upside down, I think it was eating the lumut on the surface.

In between all the chaos husband leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

It felt like all the pain and struggle that I went through in life was worth it for me to be where I am now.

It makes it more meaningful.

* I got another book, 'First Things First' by Khalid Baig.

cameron

I still haven't seen the official wedding pics; believe it or not, because our lovely cameraman robert *bukan nama sebenar wants to give us a wedding album as a gift. hah! a GIFT. I am patiently waiting for that, hopefully we'll get to see it before my wrinkles start showing up. hahaha. I am paranoid about wrinkles because I feel my face becoming so dry nowadays. too much aircond,too little water.

Here are some pictures from our honeymoon.


We spent 5 days in this lovely bungalow. It has 7 bedrooms and we were the only guest! There are 2 caretakers aunty and uncle; and Imran is convinced aunty followed us back and is hiding somewhere. Occasionally he will shout 'aunty!'. I think he just miss Cameron! Anyway we stayed for free; this place belongs to Imran's best friend's dad's company.

We ate our breakfast here each morning. Just basking in the gorgeous view. The weather was 19 degrees for the whole five days. Freezing but best. At least muka tak minyak-minyak.


Never mind the slumpy pose, we jungle trekked during Raya Haji. I thought the forest were quite lord of the ring like. Kinda anticipated a fairy or two but none was spotted. We didn't get to go to Mossy Forest, but kabus were still everywhere.

Quite slippery.


The Chef. To not make me feel so bad he did let me make the 3 in 1 hot chocolate.



Boh Tea plantation. Very Scottish like.
Mount Brinchang. The tallest mountain in Malaysia that can be reached by car. We didn't expect it to be so high, or so cold. Scenic.

The path leading to Mount Brinchang.

Watch tower. Gayat.


Beautiful day.



We did a lot of walking in Cameron.

Bee farm.

Inilah kami. Alhamdulillah. Thanks for all your prayers :)

Many have asked 'how's married life?' hee. I don't quite know how to answer. There were times where I was and will be so tired with all the added responsibilities. But being a wife suits me.

May Allah grant we all a spouse and children that will be the coolness of our eyes.

justify yourself

in an ideal world we all dont need to justify ourselves and what we belief; nor the path that we chose to walk on.

in the real world we fight to have our say. and we fight further more for our belief.

i have been thrown a word that repulses me to the core, because I am not that person. i feel sick inside because of people's ignorance, and their arrogance to admit that they do not know everything. i say people because there seem to be more stupid people around every day.

let me just justify myself: i have chosen this belief, this hijaab, and this outfit because i have chosen a life of submission.

i see you rage perhaps because i somewhat do not conform to the 'norm'. but norm in society as i see it changes from time to time. one minute a group can despise gays and another 50 years later it might accept it as a valid family institution. women were treated just like garbage bag, not worthy of any inheritance nor education. the next i hear the screams for woman's right.

it shouldn't be too surprising then, that i do not see the options offered lucrative. at all.

so do not rage at me for having a belief. a belief that you deem is the same with you but there is a difference.

i don't intend to put one foot in my religion, and another in jahilliyah and hedonistic ways.

because i dont find peace in it.

you do not need to justify yourself to me; because i do not have time in the first place to scrutinize your weaknesses and mistakes.

thank you very much.

yayasan ta'lim

in TTDI actively conduct religious classes almost daily. I have been attending the tuesday night class which uses the book belief in Allah, the first book in series of 8. The class is not burdensome, it runs for only an hour 8.30-9.30 and ustaz Yunus presents the topic with such ease (and no rush to finish the syllable!) that i think i'm going to keep on going inshaAllah.

the best thing is its within walking distance.

I was searching hard for classes such as this and alhamdulillah now has found my cup of tea! haha. now there are lots of lectures and classes opportunity; the only thing is finding the right timing.

feel like im just starting to learn about Islam.and you know what, it feels great.

:D