Thursday, December 30, 2010
'which pillow are you talking about? is it the one with peta-peta?'
hah. this is what happens when a literature girl marries a literal man.
and so yesterday while combing my hair i casually asked him,
'so whats my worse worse habit that you have seen so far?'
without hesitation, he said
'ahah. and my second worse habit?'
'you not smiling when you are moody.'
'and my third worse habit?'
'so my bad habits basically revolve around this mood thing right?'
'yes what is up with your moods?'
speechless sekejap. but it got me thinking. i must really conquer this mood swings. as he said,
'not only it makes you feel bad, you also spread the badness to people around you.'
and worse, to the person i love the most. maafkan saya...
i think its good to ask things like this, getting things out in the open.
thinking of more questions to ask. there are so many things i do not realize about myself.
Monday, December 27, 2010
but life will go so fast, and ill regret not spending more time with my family.
hah. family! my family is so cute right now because theres just me, and him. hehe. cant get any smaller than this.
leaving work early today...yippee. i can see daylight. daylight? Im afraid I will get cuaca shock. and maybe melt like a vampire.
i have been thinking of wives and mothers, roles so universal; yet uniquely tailored according to one's ability. allahuakbar. continuously amazed. words of this poem has been floating in my brain for days! has to clean my braindrive from all these random thoughts.
the resting place
engulfes empty spaces
does not know its worth
nor does it realize its own beauty
soft enough to be leaned on
hard enough for support
full of love
without you having to ask for it
quietly trods through life
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
I enjoyed the beginning of the year; still renting a room in the big city, in a flat known to be full of criminals. In fact my neighbor turned out to be a drug dealer! hah! the police has caught him. The dogs stopped barking at me, and I met a good tailor who can sew clothes super quick. I learnt screen printing, wasted lots of money on paints, sew few clothes and watched lots of movies. Planned to start saving up for posh studio apartment and travel the world.
up to middle year. Oops so busy doing editing for the bookfair. So happy this year being more experienced selling books. Met abang CD who turned out to be husband. got to know the best bookstore ever! because it introduce me to Islam in deeper ways.hehe. abang CD told me about al-khadeem. best jugak. also he told me about music being haram. kurang best in the beginning. he tricked me by listening to one of my fav speaker khalid yassin, talk about music. so licik! huhu.
middle year. opened the door to my room in Shah Alam. saw black smoke. screamed for dad. we rushed out. top house exploded. my clothes and money got burnt. hah nampaknya dah miskin. huhu. we pindah rumah temporary. so tiny, so hot. mashaAllah. ujian hebat. abang CD proposed. hah. another mashaAllah.
after middle year. begged mak ayah nak kawin cepat. few small drama lah jugak. antara ayat yang diwar-warkan masa tu 'bila nak jumpa Imran ni? bila boleh datang rumah ni? nak kawinnnn, please nak kawinnn awal, bila nak kawin ni??? mak please nak kawin awal, i dont care! kawinkan saya! kawinnnnn' hahaahaaa. finally Imran could meet parents. we both demam tergezut wish finally granted. masa tunang demam. and few times after that demam. terkejut, stress, overjoyed.demam time!
almost end of year.kawin. pegi honeymoon. trying to get used waking up in the middle of the night and see a big guy next to me. remind myself im married, it is only hasben, and not pencuri. hahaha. ini effect duduk flat kot. banyak jumpa penjenayah!
almost almost end. braved myself to give 2 months notice to find a better prospect. slowly piecing it all together. nampaknya tak semua plan menjadi. Allah knows best!
waaa. alhamdulillahiala kullihal.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Me, husband, my in laws, Imran's anak sedara/our pet child Balqis went out for dinner. Arif my adik ipar joined in later.
In the restaurant there is an aquarium of oren fish, swimming. Next to it a christmas tree. Our pet loved it. I love watching her eyes lit up when I pointed to one fish who was upside down, I think it was eating the lumut on the surface.
In between all the chaos husband leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
It felt like all the pain and struggle that I went through in life was worth it for me to be where I am now.
It makes it more meaningful.
* I got another book, 'First Things First' by Khalid Baig.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Here are some pictures from our honeymoon.
We spent 5 days in this lovely bungalow. It has 7 bedrooms and we were the only guest! There are 2 caretakers aunty and uncle; and Imran is convinced aunty followed us back and is hiding somewhere. Occasionally he will shout 'aunty!'. I think he just miss Cameron! Anyway we stayed for free; this place belongs to Imran's best friend's dad's company.
We ate our breakfast here each morning. Just basking in the gorgeous view. The weather was 19 degrees for the whole five days. Freezing but best. At least muka tak minyak-minyak.
Never mind the slumpy pose, we jungle trekked during Raya Haji. I thought the forest were quite lord of the ring like. Kinda anticipated a fairy or two but none was spotted. We didn't get to go to Mossy Forest, but kabus were still everywhere.
The Chef. To not make me feel so bad he did let me make the 3 in 1 hot chocolate.
Boh Tea plantation. Very Scottish like.
Mount Brinchang. The tallest mountain in Malaysia that can be reached by car. We didn't expect it to be so high, or so cold. Scenic.
The path leading to Mount Brinchang.
Watch tower. Gayat.
We did a lot of walking in Cameron.
Inilah kami. Alhamdulillah. Thanks for all your prayers :)
Many have asked 'how's married life?' hee. I don't quite know how to answer. There were times where I was and will be so tired with all the added responsibilities. But being a wife suits me.
May Allah grant we all a spouse and children that will be the coolness of our eyes.
Monday, December 6, 2010
in the real world we fight to have our say. and we fight further more for our belief.
i have been thrown a word that repulses me to the core, because I am not that person. i feel sick inside because of people's ignorance, and their arrogance to admit that they do not know everything. i say people because there seem to be more stupid people around every day.
let me just justify myself: i have chosen this belief, this hijaab, and this outfit because i have chosen a life of submission.
i see you rage perhaps because i somewhat do not conform to the 'norm'. but norm in society as i see it changes from time to time. one minute a group can despise gays and another 50 years later it might accept it as a valid family institution. women were treated just like garbage bag, not worthy of any inheritance nor education. the next i hear the screams for woman's right.
it shouldn't be too surprising then, that i do not see the options offered lucrative. at all.
so do not rage at me for having a belief. a belief that you deem is the same with you but there is a difference.
i don't intend to put one foot in my religion, and another in jahilliyah and hedonistic ways.
because i dont find peace in it.
you do not need to justify yourself to me; because i do not have time in the first place to scrutinize your weaknesses and mistakes.
thank you very much.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
the best thing is its within walking distance.
I was searching hard for classes such as this and alhamdulillah now has found my cup of tea! haha. now there are lots of lectures and classes opportunity; the only thing is finding the right timing.
feel like im just starting to learn about Islam.and you know what, it feels great.
Monday, November 29, 2010
some extra wedding money = a toyota sewing machine-though not the same model. i just snatched an almost look alike machine from google.
huhu. i am simply not a jewelery person, and they cannot provide the same excitement for me.plus its harder to lose this big thing! i was eyeing for another brand but had to wait for a week for that. a week is too long.
also, during nikah i got a watch instead of a ring. its your wedding; why not get what you love eh?
i was saying to husband, this is like a playstation for me. cant wait to make a right mess in his room with fabrics.
Friday, November 26, 2010
am adjusting to a new place, new roommate, and housemates (mama, papa, oren, and...balqis the naughty niece) yes i am staying with my in laws for the time being- something some find interesting to know how its going.
so far so good!
some days i even get breakfast ready, and most of the time i get back from work dinner is ready too. hah! i do feel quite embarassed for not using the kitchen just yet. in all honesty i'm excited at the prospect of serving husband something (most likely burnt) to eat. just havent got round to adjusting how and when is appropriate to use the kitchen! also..my sleeping habit from singlehood-waking up 10 minutes before naik kereta time is hard to change. this morning it was quite a big feat for me to wake up at 7.35!
im trying to chip in with the house chores-we'll see how it goes! very grateful that in-laws are not scrunitizing me 24-7.they are pretty laid back people.
now...me and husband have developed a habit that needs to be kicked out immediately.
sleeping excessively. we would plan to clean the room, watch a movie, upload our pictures, cook, go to classes. yet we'd end up sleeping after isya', usually after talking and entertaining Balqis who will go home at 8 ish or 9 ish.
then we wake up and say 'whatt we didnt get anything done-again! and ok see you tonight!' time just flyy.
i was nervous before marriage, but once you are in it, you learn to adjust accordingly. and i see now marriage is a good opportunity for you to become better Muslims inshaAllah, because your life doesn't revolve around you anymore.
as this is my first proper commitment to someone, i find it an exhilarating experience. yesterday i looked at this guy, this stranger i've come to know and love within the last few months and think 'wow. he'll be there, inshaAllah till the end of my life.'
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
wee editors are like little elves. we look at the smallest things. we are not seen.and when we do a good job we go home singing.
Dont forget to praise the Lord and make dua a lot during this special 10 days before Eid. It is such blessed timing beloved by Allah, the Prophet and his companions.The companions would say takbeer loudly-so as to proclaim their faith, and as an act of worship during this time. and they would increase their ibadaah during this time.
May Allah bless you, whoever you are and grant you hidayaah. May Allah grant you jannah.ameen.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
She has been overpowered by the little monsters and didn't even see it coming.
The danger of TESL is your students slang might just be caught by you.
Next thing you know, you're saying 'how are you ahhh' and 'why is your hair so messy aahhh'.
teacher aahhh, get serious!
Monday, November 1, 2010
i still have few invitations to send, and looking forward for a week off soon.
meanwhile- the work just keep rolling in. whoaa. sometimes my eyes just glazed over them-they seemed like a big blur to me esp. now its closer to the wedding.hee.
next week i will take 2 days off starting thursday so i can pamper my hair- my rare indulgence once in a while. i wont do all the mandi bunga stuff. johnson's johnson has been good enough ay ay!
i wonder if i will cry or choke during nikah..hmm..
may Allah make it easy..
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
for some reason i blushed. because she was the strict type. the reasonably strict type.
'so what are you up to?'
i felt a kind of dread.
i'm not THERE yet.
but she reminds me of me- 3 years ago.
i dont have that terribly exciting i'd rather work than sleep feeling yet.
i dont really dress that well-still.
and i stutter when im nervous-still.
but im much calmer and settled somehow.
and positive as usual.
but of course i couldnt blurt all this out.
we exchanged polite greetings instead.
and went our separate ways.
glad that at least we'd cross path again.
if only for a minute.
well more like Dr. Faridah's late father, may Allah bless him
He started saving up for his daughter's hajj account since she was SIX.
Wah. and Dr. F said she bought her first car with part of that money!
what an awesome practice that i wish i have emulated sooner.
in fact i was planning to start saving up for my wedding end of this year- masa ni belum jumpa calon. and i learnt my lesson well not to hasten a good act.
so my advice to single people is start saving anyway. no you dont need that 200 ringgit shoe. no you do not need to spoil yourself rotten.
just because you have boobs your future guy will not be able to grant all your wishes.
soon that money you stashed will be much needed.
maybe to follow your dreams.
maybe as a down payment.
or for travel.
or a sewing machine (sigh)
and pay off mum's debt. (double sigh)
Monday, October 25, 2010
simply to keep me sane during writing-up process.
writing a book is harder than expected. writing a children's book is much harder.
i wish uia had a children literature course. hope they'll be one in the future. so far a promising writing for children course i saw is in the US.
i'd love to travel again but gotta marry 'the boyfriend' first.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
my work is taking a huge part of my life this moment and at times i cannot think of anything else. there are so many things i want to complete within this 3 weeks. im quite grateful jugak, at least it helps me not to become nervous! hehe.
also those few things that i have to take care off, like buying gifts for hantaran, and maybe finding a shoe, and other small details occupy my free time. yes!
but one of the nights last week i find myself awake in the middle of the night. crying. soon i'll be leaving the safe cocoon my parents have built for me to move to another one with different roles that comes with it.
i guess thats why babies cry once they enter the world, that split, physically and emotionally must have shook them to brave up the new world they are entering- cry of courage.i hope!
i think my tears were more melancholic, simple reflecting how far i have come, and wondering about whats coming. i see my parents and i just want to scream that i love them with all my heart no matter what. its scary to stop depending on them. at the same time exhilarating.
i remember going up the cable car, i was so scared that something would happen. but once i see the whole view everything was worth it. i see the bigger picture.
im still a bit wobbly from the quick turn of events unfolding one by one, but its all good.you just got to give up good to get great!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
its quite a relief to have it over so i can concentrate on doing things for my wedding.
on saturday nite me and three shopaholic friends scrounged the jalan TAR. they have long recommended the place for beautiful wedding veil. they were beautiful, but just not me. i like simple and pretty stuff. they were heavy and pretty.
i am not going to wear heels because i am a 5'6 ish bride (and not a midget as imran would say)
i think the rest of the things is pretty much settled by my lovely parents. they said they have booked the catering. i did not ask for the menu pulak but inshaAllah they'll be good.
i will use pakcik's bekas hantaran since he just got married. and mum said her friend is lending us a brand new dulang set. wah people can be so generous.
imran's mum has booked kuih bahulu to give to guests.
everything is pretty much low-key alhamdulillah. ive always wanted a simple wedding. in fact i think i once berangan to have a wedding by the sea so i can wear casual clothes; and then we could jump straight into the sea. haha. talking about sea imran said he wants to bring me to perhentian after the wed but my friend pointed out that its the monsoon season and i might get blown by the wind masa naik bot nanti. cis! guess we'll have to see whats the weather's like next month.
sometimes i do feel nervous (the feeling is like im going to puke) my life is going steer into another big turn and i do not see whats around the corner. but whenever i see imran smile or laugh i know that things will turn out fine.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
my recommendation for Islamic books and lectures (english):
you can try these places:
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
2. sometimes my boss have an urgent letter or proposal to make, he might call me up to do the typing too.
3. sometimes i make tea for visitors.
4. i also talk to writers wanna be about the procedures.
5. i try hard to convince my boss why a particular manuscript should not have seen the daylight in the first place.
6. i coordinate with graphics and illustrators. i chase them up, i drive them crazy by doing proofreading for about 50 times before im satisfied and i might buy them food to make it up to them. and then..i do it again.
7. my colleagues might ask me the spelling of a particular word. i go to google and give them the answer. they think im a genius. i think google is genius. its a good deal.
8. sometimes i kill cockroaches in the kitchen.
9. if im not in the mood to work i talk to my colleagues, sms my fiance, email, open facebook, open my blog and make coffee. guilty as charged.
10. my desk is very messy. i dont clean them up until my boss gives me the i cant believe you are this disgusting look.
11. i look out the window if i turn blue from reading too much.sometimes i feel like i work in a cave. with air condition.
12. the marketing people or my boss or other editor will also chase me about my deadline, or about the progress of my book.
13. yes, i have to write books too. sometimes rhymes- and some published! i am proud of this fact even though i only write silly rhymes about frogs, dolls, naughty kids, good kids, monsters and the like.when the rhymes don't work i get frustated, i sulk, write it again, throw it in the bin, go home and buy a ridiculously expensive food. the next day i try again.
14. i sleep sometimes. sorry boss.
15. i talk to international publishers who coolaborate with us. most of the time my boss will tell me what to say. sometimes i am is his personal secretary.
16. we also have a schedule for answering the phone, going to the bank, buying stationery, and counting books at the store.
17. sometimes i forget where i put things, so i frantically look for them.
18. i do filing work, i put contract in the right cabinet, i buy books, i get free books, and i make sure the shoes in front are organized nicely.
19. i try to make sure my socks have no holes in them since we dont wear shoes here.
20. now we have a pep talk every morning at 9.00. if i dont find it interesting i doodle things in my diary.
21. my boss who's a big reader sometimes ask whether i have read a particular book or watch a movie he deems interesting. when i say no he'll look at me like you unbelievably dull girl! of course when i ask him the same thing and he says no i have to look at him like its ok, you dont have time to read such dull book anyway. of course i always feel like saying 'ahah! gotcha!'.
you know...its a whole load of things mixed into one.
sometimes my days are a just a big blur.
sometimes its awesome.
its my job.
Friday, October 1, 2010
kali terakhir saya jumpa Diana, saya berikan dia buku Faisal Tehrani yg di-sign.
Diana gadis cantik, yg terleka sekejap dgn dunia dan mencuba dadah. rupanya dadah itu terlalu kuat hingga menjadikan sarafnya rosak. Diana menghidap cerebral palsy dan duduk di rumah kebajikan. Jika saya bertanya pasal keluarga, air matanya akan mengalir.Dengarnya keluarganya mewah, mungkin malu untuk menerima hakikat mengenai anak mereka yang cacat sekarang.
Dah lama saya tak jenguk Diana. Harap dia masih tabah. Saya rindu kata-kata semangat darinya. Rindu pegangan tangannya bila dia bagi nasihat. Tuturnya mungkin tidak jelas, tapi dia gadis kuat yang saya kagumi.
phwoar! now that she said it...
i just picked up my wed invitation card yesterday and handed them out to my colleagues.
Iman generously designed our card and this doa card i want to frame in the bridal room.
I'm very touched with people around us who kindly volunteered their skills without asking for anything in return. Alhamdulillah.
may Allah make it easy.
copyright- Iman Abdul Manaf.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
di hadapan saya penuh buku. mata saya lebam menghadap komputer dari pagi.
teringat di zaman universiti- untuk menyiapkan satu sinopsis itu pensyarah beri kami satu hari. itupun jenuh fikir untuk setengah helaian A4.
itupun kecoh tak cukup masa.
how time flies. sekarang tanggungjawab saya lebih lagi.
in the midst of my chaotic life, all the rare peaceful moment like me simply staring at my desk after a hard day's at work just make things..ok.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
yesterday me, dad and 2 saksi (ayah kutip di masjid his friends' sons- they are around 22 i think) went to meet the imam to get the approval for me to nikah, and basically to declare i am still a virgin daughter which sounds ridiculous bila dah translate ke english!
it was quite interesting to get to know my saksi's story. one's dad has just passed away because of cologne cancer- i dont know how to spell or what it means. but from dad's story he had been suffering for quite a long time, the desease slowly taking over his body and eventually life. right now the family's slowly picking up the pieces and trying to move on with life. the great thing is they have finished paying off the house and car's loans so at least that burden is off.
another saksi has a brother that took a pilot course; only to give up when doing the final paper. he decided not to take it! he simply decided he cannot go on anymore. if only he had the courage he would have at least complete that final plunge regardless whether he pass or not. it sounds like an unfinished business to me- and dengar macam geram but in the end only he knows whats going on in his head. he's doing some sort of business now and is doing fine.
anyway the imam has put in his diary my date, and inshaAllah at 11.00 am. i reminded Imran that he absolutely cannot be late during nikah! i will pengsan because of the wait!
the imam, he's young also gave his business card. it appears that he has started a business revolving around wedding. he offers wedding photography, dj ing, salawat etc. etc. but we are gonna pass, thank you.
i keep praying, may Allah make it easy. ameen!
right now im at imran's office. he is busy attending to customers. want to take his borang so i can submit to jais soon.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
as usual we prepeared for raya food kampung style which is a pain sebab atap zink. panas. nenek menjerit. lagi panas. my nenek is a drama queen and it was quite hard to mantain my patience. i hope i managed quite okay in the eyes of Allah.
2nd day raya-kuantan. we could relax a bit here since wan ada maid, and aunties to help. my cousin got married 3rd raya alhamdulillah. there will be another 1 getting married in 2 weeks but im not sure if i can take further leave prior marriage cuti nanti. i myself but dah fidgeting nak kerja.funny that.there are few tasks that i find engaging at work.
today we just got back to shah alam. a quiet day without my nieces screaming and playing their HEADS off. they rock.
my wedding date has been fixed - insyaallah 13.11.2010. about 2 months from now. may Allah make it easy. i am quite nervous but happier than anything else. just have to find a nice wedding dress and other small details. im not very good with all these girly things, so hopefully things will go smoothly.
have about 1 day before work, want to do some reading and drink coffee. and maybe work on my quilt. and printing eddy's shirt design. i dont know if i can do all.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
anyway i bought
1. kerepek pisang
2. kerepek ubi pedas & tak pedas
3. batang buruk
4. biskut beras
5. kuih raya perisa kacang
and i ordered from my friends
6. cookies for bakal mak mentua
7. cookies for my family
and best of all
1 kg's of marshmellow. hopefully i'll get it by today.
takde kuih yg canggih2 but ini yang akan laku!
my raya outfit:
1. abaya with pink flowers
i would love to get beautiful baju kurung but too lazy to face the last minute crowd.
my holiday will start wednesday and off we go to melaka then kuantan on 2nd raya.
1 week off. looking forward to that.
how can you say you have truly forgiven someone if you still remember the fault with bitterness and hate?
and what good does it do to you, to remember your pain?
move on, forget it.
maybe i am too young and optimistic- but at the moment it works fine by me to forgive and forget.
though it will take longer for me to forgive because letting go of grudges is not easy. hehe.
life's too short to reminisce crap.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
the 'fasting' mode has been erased after seven days of off-days.
I'm not sure whether its good to announce to the world about the women off days from fasting because of their menstrual cycle thing. but I guess its just a natural process that we all go through.
I put a packet of Cheapsmore (there are hardly any chips and its not even cheap. patetik 2)
in my bag and would sneak a bite or two at the office. then i would go to surau to drink air masak. its not like these people would mind- but the culture of eating in front of fasting people is not practiced in this office. waah back in the language centre it was different. I would be buying nasik and lauk and eat merrily. miss those days. but gotta go with the flow.
no wedding plan lagi- its not fun to plan a wedding during Ramadhaan. I'd be thinking about my dress for a minute and then before I know it I'd be fantasizing about nasik tomato or coke or ayam.
on the other hand, surprisingly, I like wearing my engagement ring. when I look at it it reminds me that I will have a husband by the end of the year inshaAllah.
I remember Imran texted me- 'I cant wait to be your hasben.'
and I replied. -'and me. your waif.'
Friday, August 13, 2010
1st day. me and imran did an hiv test- first in our checklist nak kawin. alhamdulillah. negative! hehe. the nurse cakap saya underweight. and imran overweight. great! hehe. but the nurses in klinik Setapak are very friendly. thumbs up! they were surprisingly jolly-not what u'd expect kat klinik kerajaan yang sgt busy. oops.cik Nat pula buat hal sebab i forgot to switch off light but i have a jumper now.
2nd day. sgt weak. because i eat so little i dont have enough energy to forgo fasting comfortably. i slept a lot.
3rd day. today i try to start the day with a glass of milk, cereal, energy bar and fried potato. alhamdulilah better.. its a month of hope for me. hoping for a better me.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
While everyone was busy preparing all the girly stuff I had the best time with cute Nana.
My dad, dad's friends, bro-in-law, uncle and Imran's uncles doing the discussion. It lasted
5- 10 mins only since all the details were discussed priop to this meeting.
Safiyya Amani didn't come to my engagement but I went to see her. She's a cool baby.
My cheerful family. The only person yg takde, Maryam. This post is for you!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
the culture denotes that its a sign of respect.
me and culture dont really really blend well these days.
some people like to ask, those who are still studying.
'hows working life? is it fun? is it fun-ner than studying?'
i dont know about others.
but for me it beats studying in uni.
you get to study what you want and not what your teacher dictates.
you dont worry about exam or test that NEVER ask the question you like anyway.
for me i get to work on new books, much like assignments with all the literature reviews and research- with higher stake- the company's money and waiting anxiously for the market's reaction which is very the exciting.
sure there are lots of boring things.
and your boss might scream at you.
or you dont feel like going to work.
and you dont understand how your money can finish that quick.
but you get to taste the real deal baby.
i'd say embrace ur studying life.
but look forward to the post-studying part.
u'd be surprised at the kind of people you meet.
and the experiences that you cant get in any instituition.
and in my case.
i met imran.
but more on him later.
now i gotta get back to writing some contract for my boss.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
dia juga suka menangis berjela-jela.
He would cry cupfuls of tears.
currently translating a childrens book to malay.
its an iranian story.
a story about lipan nakal.
thats what im up to.
another story, have failed to materialize for the twentieth times.
whoever says a writing/translationg job is easy should try this Kuti-kuti thing.
I want to Kuti myself.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
or even life itself.
but when it comes.
you have just got to trust your heart.
and give in to the bigger picture that God has intended for you.
its a scary thing.
its a risk.
amidst all this vulnerability, i have to admit it is beautiful.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
i am neither depressed or stressed.
perhaps it is the time constrain.
or that i feel my little joy and smile is too worthless to mention.
feels like i wanna take a jar.
and put all this happiness inside.
and take a picture and show you.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Saya sedang belajar menggunakan Pagemaker untuk buat brochure syarikat.
Pace yang slow; amat. Tapi belajar benda baru sgt best. Saya sangat curious.
Tapi 5.30 p.m ini.
Saya mesti jumpa cikgu seni saya.
Art printing projek saya terpaksa hold.
Saya lupa formula bancuh paint.
Sebab tidak tulis.
Lesson learnt, yessir.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Giving pep talk.
Occasionally we editors are called to join in to listen.
Occasionally I rave because I feel its irrelevance.
'What a waste of time!'
What a silly girl.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
He discussed '7 Habits of Highly Effective People'
Today was chapter 3.
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND.
Have a mental image of what you want in 3, 10, 20, years.
Imagine the kind of life, relationship, kids, career, faith that you want.
Till you can almost taste it.
And move towards it.
Bos asked a question.
'Ayam nampak sibuk tak?'
'Ayam sentiasa sibuk, tapi tak pernah maju.Manusia pun boleh jadi macam tu. Sibuk. Macam-macam. Tapi lagi 5 tahun. Sama. Masih di situ. Macam ayam.'
Saya tak nak jadi ayam.
Terima kasih Bos.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
it has been two days
that i sit on this chair
doing work with computer
pretty exhausted with 'mundane' activity like this
cant believe i can survive a 9-5 job this long
but herre i am
head spinning though
adalah sikit rasa satisfied
that im working hard
i know im underperforming
the frustation of learning to become adult
boleh bikin gigil wooo
Monday, June 21, 2010
Where spring is approaching
There was always that feeling of anticipation
For the first day of spring
For that first bloom of flowers
Sign of life approaching
That dim sun, shining shyly after hiding for months
Shining as if its unsure whether it is time to shine
The leaves sprouting out
Trying to outlive the last blow of the winter wind- fighting harshly for the last time
I wonder if such description
Can equal love
I cant quite describe when it creeps in
I am (definetelyy) no romantic pun
But darn, falling in love feels good.
Stole my heart.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
why cant my siblings just stop growing?!
seems like Luke is the last one in the house. and he'll be all grown before i know it.
in 2 weeks angah will sambung master. Penang. another goner.
my application to do textile design in UITM failed.
takpe. i believe in hikmah.
tapi. aritu guling2 lah jugak.
apelah aku nak buat with the rest of my life.
saya kurang pasti.
life, as usual will shape itself in the most unexpected way.
as each day unfolds, im so grateful that I smile and laugh more than I frown.
except my housemates' wedding -because it was held in section 20.
the music was terrible though. how can you sing a break up song at a wedding.
most importantly, how did you think you can ever sing!
May Allah bless all of those friends who are recently married. May the marriage be full of blessings, romance and joy...
and may Allah help kami2 yang masih bujang ini :).
my colleagues are taking mc alternately.
last week was my turn.
during sickness i always feel so down.
very hard to maintain sabr.
very hard to be grateful.
rasa-rasa macam mati hidup semula :)
the days seem brighter.
food tastes better.
small flowers on the street makes me smile.
the congested air pun i breath in gratefully.hehehe.
reminds me of a remark an old friend made -
" i feel like health is the best thing God can give us."
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
I do wish I have all my old diaries. To read all my silly thoughts.
July 15, 2008 -i wrote
But I like my canvas shoe.
Dragged it through the snow,
The art class,
Walked under the sun
can almost smell
The time back then
can almost feel
That young, raw soul
Burning with anger, passion
Trying to understand
It’s still on the shoerack
Underneath all the other shoes
No one’s bothered to throw
Its there you know
For the memory
It holds for me.
Monday, June 7, 2010
of photoshoot Al-Ameen.
ini pics sure rejekk.hehe.
but the unwanted pics lah selalunya berseni.
projek buat ular comel guna socks.
obviously yg ni jadi hodoh.
hodoh tapi buat saya dan kak zai gelak guling-guling :).
tengok mata dia siap ada kerongsang hodoh saya.
hahaha. this pic makes my day!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Just looking outside.
Enjoying the view.
Tiba-tiba Titi datang.
Dengan baju cotton putih.
That is totally see-through.
Dancing to music that only she can hear.
The wind swaying her clothes.
Her fingers moving delicately.
The sound of her small feet tapping.
'Weh!! Titi can dance porn now!'
'I bet I know who teach her that (looking at Momo)' -Maryam.
Thank God she's only two.
Perhaps Abang Long will think twice now about coming to our place.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Just finished reading this ayaah Alhamdullilah and I cannot describe the calm and peace that Allah grants me by this one verse.
I just got back, say an hour ago from teaching Adam (7) and Daniel (5) to read Iqra' or the basic book to learn the Quraan.
Hehe. This is a new thing for me.
Even though I have enough things to juggle in my hands I find it quite hard to pass up any new opportunity and learning process.
So. Even though my time management is poor (trying inshaAllah) and my self management is haywire (trying hardd inshaAllah) I quite like to be impulsive and just go for it.
Mom always say 'are you not tired? why can't you just rest?' and 'ok..what now'.
Hehe. Of course I am tired. In fact after work the last thing I wanna do is go out again, drive madly and try to find my socks for the hundredth time in between.
But staying in comfort zone doesn't work for me.
It dulls me up.
Today the boys mummy hug me before I go back.
The way she said thank you.
The way the boys laugh at my silly joke.
Stroking Daniel's hair while he drinks.
Playing games afterwards.
Going back and smiling on my own, and thinking 'not bad, girl!'
and I was thinking of giving this up for a bit of sleep.
*a reminder post for me to jgn malas.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
i memang dah langgar matiline.
lots of last minute changes.
my own stubborness.
alhamdulillaah. other editors who are as dedicated.
its been a learning process.
today the printer has given its thumbs up.
but as usual. i can only tarik napas bila buku dah sampai nanti.
its a humbling experience, being an editor.
it reminds me of my many shortcomings.
that i cannot work alone to produce great things.
that i must give help, and learn to accept help.
on to the next book.
i love this :)
semua demam, pening, nangis, frustation, risau, nightmare, marah org lain (hehe-yg ni baad) rasanya worth it.
sebab saya kerja untuk Allah.
*picture copyright of Al-Ameen Serve.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
parents are busy talking furniture, wall colour, katil, bla bla bla. personally, i just cant wait to pindah back to our house. that sense of familiarity is pretty much needed to keep me sane.
i mm is looking for my broadband. why cant they make a big bulky broadband that i cannot lose?
on the other hand i wouldn't buy it precisely because of that hahahaa.
i had a weird chicken wing and chocolate shake yesterday; at a cafe where the light hung so low; and you had to ask for tissue. pretty weird. inshaAllah i hope to get a camera soon to capture all this moments.
but then, any convo with a good friend is well worth the bad food.
inshaAllah i will be going to a fundraising dinner this evening, we'll see how it goes. if i get bored i'll just sneak out quietly- whispering to my mate in super pshycothic way ; im a superman really, and its time to save people. hahahaa i should try this.
ok lets get serious.
Monday, May 10, 2010
too much coffee?
not enough sleep?
i find myself looking for my glasses.when im wearing it.
staring at the same page for ages. when it should take 4 mins to read.
not knowing what to eat.
sms ing friends and forgetting what i said.
makan telur rebus sambil edit buku. whaatt.
makan chocolate and then losing half of it. because desk is so messy. double whaattt.
friend asked what i did for mother's day 3 times. and i couldn't comprehend the question.
to top it all.
a msg from a friend.
'i am at secret recipe. early lunch. with a book. chocolate drink. piano music for background. alone.enjoying the me time.'
i am gonna find a big tree. with perfect weather. wind blowing. makan yoghurt. letak coklat that i lost (wishful). a good book. silence. and me.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
lately lebih banyak tenang.
rezeki lebih banyak melimpah.
ini juga adalah ujian.
ujian syukur itu- kadang lebih payah dari guris hati & air mata.
andai Allah tolehkan pandanganNya dari saya,
seluruh isi dunia pun tiada harganya.
saya harus terus berlari.
whatever it takes.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
is due in 2 months.
very excited to meet best friend's baby.
inshaAllah i wanna be there when she's in labour.
well you know, in case Hafiz faints or something.
once I get the baby call.
going to pecut to sungai buloh's hospital.
perhaps doing the emergency run mcm dalam ER.
i don't why.
when Amat & Hafiz got married- I was nervous. Amat pulak yang super relax. macamlah saya yg nak kawin!
macamlah saya yang nak beranak.
well well well.
born GEDIK. bak kata Ifa. ada aku kesah!
Monday, May 3, 2010
at least it records 1 part of my brains yang sememangnya messy ni.
saya sdg nak siapkan final make-up untuk buku yang akan diprint minggu ini.
saya sukakan final-final stage.
all the hard work coming together slowly.
antara perbualan yg buat saya senyum.
Ifa bawa perfume branded untuk dijual.
'akak sukalah perfume moksino (moschino) ni.' kata kak Lah.
'kak Noolie, saya nak pegi beli (nasik) ayam dara ni!'
'alah. ayam tu mesti tak dara sebenarnya.'
kak miah beli perfume untuk laki dia.
saya cadangkan buat surprise kat dia, balut n letak bawah bantal. isn't a surprise sgt best? cannot wait to hear abg arif's reaction.
graphic designer saya;yg cakap saya agak mcm firaun bila deadline (huhu I suggested we skip lunch altogether and stay till midnight) hari ni tak ada.
saya godam komputer dia. buat index buku sendiri. curik2 blajar pasal layout. gila best.
sambil itu saya peek music file dia.
ada satu lagu 'suci dalam debu' by saleem. an old song. rock leleh punye. saya layan jugak. pergh.bajet suci (?)
eh eh. saya cakap dlm bahasa ibunda. tak pengsan kan :)
saya berhenti dan fikir.
cantiknya hidup ni.in all its flaw and simplicity.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
the latest is names for aunties.
sarah and maryam awal2 dah cop- panggilan mummy and mama.
angah opts for-momo. hee.
I was the last one to get home. so I got. mimi.
Titi is very cheeky. asked her to give me five; she pretends to do so and then she tickles my palm.
Nana is crawling adorably.
If you sing to her she will sway her little body and do little claps.
Titi & Nana.
Mimi, Mama, Mummy, and Momo love you very much.
oh yeah, Atak and Nenek too.
Among the things that might happen:
1) unexpected depression for no apparent reason
2)crying for the silliest things- like seeing your housemate using your cup without permission
3)extreme hunger or extreme non hunger
4) thirsty all the time- hmm this might cause some tears kalau air takde immediately
5)becoming too happy and then, too depressed
6)craving to go shopping -to buy unnecessary things
7)too loud a noise can drive you crazy because the senses are heighten
8)blur sikit. i was looking at a woman holding her umbrella downwards and thought she was walking a dog.
hmm.good thing is Chu said it will most likely stop when one becomes a mother. the bad thing is it wont happen anytime soon, like now.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
its approaching May. I am flabbergasted.
have given myself 2 years max. after grad. to figure out what I wanna do. career wise. can't be jumping around here and there till I'm 40. poor parents will have a heart attack if they can brain read me.
Had I given myself more time; I would try to be either:
a) tour guide
b) cheese maker (genius)
c)newscaster (all that makeup will kill me though)
d) jual air singgit kat pasar malam
e) art teacher
g) petik teh kat Cameron Highland
h) kerja kat resort tepi pantai
i) menternak itik- this is a lie.
in conclusion, im gonna need some serious counselling with some kakaks to set my brain right. and hopefully figure out, things. or whatever. welcome adulthood.
this is Farra latest, the singer who used to sing 'Bagaikan Puteri'-now wearing tudung. I read about this in Kosmo yesterday (oh, God, out of all the newspaper!) . argh! a Muslim woman, when properly covered just look stunning.
May Allah give hidayah to more women out there.Ameen!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
last Saturday joined Young Muslims Project activity at the Islamic Arts Museum. I enjoyed making new friends- even more so when I learnt that the founder is in his youth too. Basically the group conducts monthly meeting where they invite speakers and do some good etc. etc. It is pretty awesome to meet young people who're passionate about Islam and doing da'wah.
Monday, April 19, 2010
'Hi, I need a lip balm please.' Pretty innocent, I think.
'Oh! Sure!' The equally innocent girl flipped through the catalogue.
'There! This is like, good you know.'
I looked at the picture. 'But this one not LIP BALMMM you know.'
'Ah! Sure.' And the she giggled. I looked at the pic again.
'You thought I wanted a lift bust?!!' *laughter laughter
Interesting prospect I'm sure, but ah, I think I'll just stick with the lip thing for now.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
'your car, my dear, is always blocking other cars.'
'well, makcik, i don't think so because I never pull the handbreak.'
'well, honey, we so see it with our mata ok. is your car auto?'
'then you should put it in neutral gear so it can move when pushed.'
'oh.can i have my bihun now?' hehe.ayat cover line.
a good lesson for me indeed. sometimes we don't realize the inconvenience that we cause others. Astagfirullahaladzim. May Allah forgive my carelesness.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
one of my friend said, 'Asma', don't look back. keep going forward.just do it.'
sometimes it is very hard. the future is pretty much uncertain. but i have got to trust Allah that whatever he plans will be the best for me.
i want to pengsan at 2.30 pm today; got some training to conduct. yikes.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
they met and got engaged, set the wedding date. everything done islamically, like what the sunnah has prescribed. love is in the air.
then come the bride's father, that i want to call mystery man who decided to call off the wedding without giving a reason. until now.
pakcik, you are so lucky I have repented from being naughty/evil-or at least i try to. that i now can only pray that your heart will soften for alexander the nice guy. or at least give a good reason for your decision.
had this situation happens, say, a couple of years ago; i will not hesitate to throw eggs at your car and steal your cat. geram betul orang macam ni. nasib baik my friend ni sabar nampaknye :). pray for him InsyaAllah.
so our house caught fire last saturday night. the 2nd floor is damaged, some roof fall down, lots of water splashed put everywhere.
i can catch a breather, just now. just re-registered myself for a new identity card, and i already got a replacement for my driving licence.
maybe im not sad because half of my things are in my rented room. but i think its because ive been around/heard about other people's predicament thats much worse than mine.
lost of love ones, heartbreak, divorce, homelessness. you name it. i feel embarassed to complain; whatmore, even after the fire we have still got so much more than what our beloved prophet saw ever had!
i felt quite lost jugak, wearing clothes thats not my own, sleeping in rented hotel/house and eating so many fruits from visitors. hehehe. tapi in a sense i feel free. those stuff i had, that i thought defined me so much, some of it carried some emotional baggage that im glad is off when its gone. perhaps, this is why during the early islamic period, the companions had such fulfilling lives. by having lesser things, they could focus on a higher purpose, their inner sides must have been so sharp, so clear and pure without all these materialistic distractions! and the result? happiness!
one thing i do miss, is my little quran (the rest like our camera, computer and phone make me cringe thinking of the cost; of course :)) its been my great companion, where i draw strenght from reading it, or when i felt so so low from simply holding it. may Allah replace it with a better, more longer lasting one InsyaAllah.