Friday, September 30, 2011
I have been procrastinating so badly, that I began thinking about its effect on my life. To think that I could be learning new things by now, but because I have been delaying doing something that really, should have been dealt with ages ago- I'm STUCK.
It also got me thinking about how I always like my hubby to do certain things when I want it, like cleaning his things, or praying, or doing some things for me (this is worse)- and not applying the same standard to myself!
Its time to catch up with those things that I have been delaying with for ages. Yikes. You know that you are doing something right when its so difficult to start!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
And so I've been trying to make lots of meal revolving chicken, chicken and more chicken. Hasben's favourite is a simple chicken sambal- that I have to somewhat reluctantly admit not to my liking! *Sigh. In the beginning of the marriage I tried to like every food he likes, which would make it easier to cook too. But I kept eating less and less, and this week I have come to term that we have totally different likings when it comes to food and its okay not to like what he likes! Like today, I made him his spicy meal, and for me, a milder version with lots of potato.
There are few meals that we both like though (hooraah!)- Below is my attempt to cook one of them, Nasi Ayam Hainan. I was quite surprised at how easy it is to make nasik ayam.
Marinate chicken with garlic, ginger, oyster sauce, honey, and sesame seed oil (minyak bijan) which will give a lovely brown color to the chicken. When I first opened the sesame seed oil bottle I thought "phwoar! this smells like nasik ayam shop!" duh!!! blonde moment again.
Pop the chicken in the oven, and meanwhile cut some onions and take out some herbs like cinnamon stick, and those you can see in the picture. I just took all the herbs I could find. As usual, some serai and halia, and chicken stock.
I cheat the next step. Just bought some chili oil from Roast Kitchen Restaurant and its all done! I forgot to take picture of all the nasik ayam put together.
A great tip I got from an aunty is to always take a bath and get rid of your 'kitchen outfit' before hasben gets home. They wanna smell the chicken, but not on you! Cooking is easy but TIRING but you don't have to tell your guy that...when they come home just say "Oh this thing? I just throw some stuff up and they turn out..not so bad eh?"
:D Padahal dah 3 jam kat dapur kan. mwahahaaahha. Remember the intention is to please Allah so greet him with a dashing smile. smile!
I like! For everyday dating its quite pricey, but for those special days its top! Each dish has its own distinctive taste, and if you eat with my hasben you'll even get a live feed (pardon the pun) on each of the menu.
I tried this baked fish with cream sauce and cheese. Creamy, and the fish well cooked. Delicious! Oh and I so dig melted cheese, swirling them with my fork, and pulling it from the plate, and... NGAP. I told my hasben that I felt so Italian, he quickly remarked 'You are! That's why you are living with your in laws!' (It is an honour to live with the in laws in Italian culture)
The baked fish comes with mashed potato and salad. I also tried the baked potato, but I like this one better.
Hasben ordered chicken scwartvbjghu- I don't know how to say/spell it! Its basically chicken breast with melted cheese inside, and a mouth-watering mushroom sauce.
We had this Puzzini Pizza before anything else. The dough is thin and crunchy, and just enough tomato sauce and cheese, and fresh veggies. This is also the only time when my hasben can accept veggies as food.
Anyway I want to write about Nawwar and Zul's wedding because...my hasben matched this two up *clap clap to hasben! I am very proud of you, hasben! May Allah make all the couples that you matched the happiest pairs of all! There are so many stories about his whole match making journey, and all these people really make our life colourful! This should be in my list of topics I should write about!
Back to the topic, remember Robert? yes!! our mysterious wedding cameraman who disappeared with our pictures for months?hehehe. Oklah..I have to burst the bubble (anyway we received the LOVELY wedding album- he gave it to us on our way to meet Nawwar's parents to tell his intention of marrying their daughter, while me and hasben were there for the shepherd's pie!)...his real name turns out to be Zul who turns out to be Nawwar hasben! It all works out perfectly in the end.
Not before offering to take this cute kid home though, sadly she said NO! Big mistake kid, it would be fun living with us!
Sunday, August 28, 2011
I am home, after the (supposedly last tarawih) for the year. As I recall the final moment there, the hugs and handshakes between us, the whispers of 'May Allah accept all our deeds,' I wonder, who among us have truly succeed in this month. and I wonder, whether I am one of those lucky people whom Allah would forgive all of their previous sins.
For me, it has been a humbling month, a (constant) struggle to submit my soul, wholly, to the One who created me.
Having been unemployed for some time (my freelance work at the moment totally lack intellectual challenge, and so I consider myself not working! ahah!) I somewhat reluctantly had to revise my spending habit. and it is, I admit, more of an EGO thing that makes it hard. I also realize that once you are married, your lifestyle will somewhat change naturally. If before, your lifestyle was determined by your parents; now its level is determined by a different person, with a different pocket size. it can go three ways: a) your lifestyle remain the same b) somewhat you move up a notch or two c) somewhat you move down a notch or two. and you adjust accordingly. now, before you start thinking that i married a farmer who's living in a wooden hut and I've started to wear straw hat and flip-flops, let me just tell you you are wrong. the straw hat idea is not too bad though...
anyway, i am adjusting well, in fact i have never been happier. Allah has freed me from the shackle of...ADDICTION TO SHOP FOR STUFF. It is very liberating not to splash hundreds on clothes or hair products. Though its harder with handbag, if i see one I like, I can feel the itch in my palm to swipe my card over the counter.
I see now the beauty of Islam where the husband becomes the provider for women. though the money is there, any good wife wouldn't waste it, knowing how hard the husband works for it. (now i still shop, moderately most of the time. the trick for the hasben is not to give cash in bulk at one time :D)
If you think you are over spending, stop it now! for the habit will drain your precious energy, and you'll be chasing for more money all the time. if you feel that your money is running quicker than a squirrel (yes, they do run), yet you can't quite point out what you spent with it, reassess where you get the money from, your shopping habit, and your goal in life. chasing dunya is a never ending quest that will only be satisfied with the dust from your grave!
Anyway, a bigger reason of the change in lifestyle is also because there are simply more substantial things to plan and think about. if before marriage, we all aim through this sacred bond to get closer to Allah, and to get to jannah. after marriage the goal becomes clearer, more real, and tangible. its like someone who's been planning for years to do something. when she finds a partner who actually wants to achieve the same thing as her (if he's not yours yet catch him faster than you can say CATCH! this is your EEMAN you wanna protect) , it becomes a huge motivator for her to actually take bigger steps towards the aim.
somehow other things become less important...living with a spouse gives you the chance to reflect how much you really have done for your goal. because he's working towards the same goal, and you see his milestone, and you do not want to be left behind. and a good partner won't leave you behind. oh gosh that sounds soo corny. alamak now i remember some lines from a movie, where the man gives the girl a flower to wear on her wrist and he says "I hope this is not too corny." and she says "I've been looking for corny all my life." hahahhaaaaa. corniness gives me goosebumps, and i still cant determine how i can hate and love it at the same time!
anyway, back to the topic. what have Ramadhan done to me?
well it further emphasize the big change that marriage has brought. I have a new family. and new sets of extended family. doing something big and important with my new family (in this case experiencing Ramadhan together) has further force me to adjust myself in accepting my new life. i don't know how other recently married girls deal with it, and their speed in adjusting to their new life, but for me it takes time. new things take time to be adjusted to. the nest is different, and therefore the body needs to acclimate itself with its new habitat.
i must admit that in one of the early days of Ramadhan, during sahur I cried. I missed my family, i missed that sense of familiarity, i missed being goofy with my sisters, and laughing for the silliest things... in my new house (this is my first ramadhan with hasben) it felt different. I quickly dried my tears and told myself to get myself together. This is my family now.
the last few days, one sweet day I finally, finally let go. for a while, I was too busy comparing my family and my hasben's family. they are definitely more outspoken with each other than we would. at first i thought it was just plain rude. when my hasben is not pleased with his parents, he would just say it to their face. likewise they would do the same, and even to me.
my family would eat together during dinner, here they would eat at different time. and many other differences...these things messed my head for a while, finally i decided to embrace the concept of accepting people as they are.
its easy to say we've been practicing this all the way, but do we really mean it? on my part i think i have been too forceful to change people to be better Muslims, to follow the Sunnah; when i know that only Allah can give guidance to whom He wants.
All we can do is try our best to to be better Muslim our self, seeing our flaws before seeing others first! and invite others in embracing this beautiful religion. if you are one of those friends whom i have aggressively smoulder with religious concepts and lines, i am sorry. i am only doing it because i love you that much :) and may Allah guide all of us...
Finally, what have Ramadhan done to us as husband and wife?
Definitely less arguments :D (mostly because I am stubborn) and more patience and mercy towards each other. I try not to dwell too much on the fact that hasben doesn't know where to put his wet towels, and he forgives my goldfish memory especially when it comes to where i put his stuff. i have also accept the fact that he cannot read my mind, and i must say what i'm thinking. he also has accept the fact that women can cry for no apparent reason, and yes, their scarf must match their clothes.
So many lessons i've learnt within the span of one month, and i dont think i can squeeze them all in this post.
All in all, I've been reminded about being human. we are all full of flaws and imperfection, and there will always be a mixture of sadness and happiness in life. that's just life!
Soon, Eid will arrive, and indeed it should be a happy day for all of us who have been striving to be better Muslims. may the joy of Eid reminds us of the real joy in the hereafter, and further motivates us to take a step forward towards it.
Let's remember this ayat, and structure our life around it. Let's remember why we are here!
And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.
[Quran 51:56]May the upcoming months be better for all of us, and may Allah let us taste the sweetness of Ramadhan again, next year.
Islam is Amazing and I LOVE being a Muslim! Alhamdulillah.
Monday, July 25, 2011
We couldn't have picked the more perfect getaway time! The hot weekend when Bersih demonstration was going on, we were here, at Perhentian (kecil) Island. It was my first time being there, and I loved it. Anyway what's not to love? The sky was blue, the ocean was blue, the fishes incredible. Soon as I boarded the boat to get to the island (a 30 minutes ride)
I could feel all my stress and worry being blown away by the wind. The difference this time with my previous travels is I had a mahram with me, and having learnt about the great virtue of making doa when you are a musafir (traveller) I increased my prayers. It proved to be a very therapeutic act, one that increased my joy of being in such gorgeous environment.
From my observation Perhentian Kecil's visitors mainly are young backpackers who would come in a group or as couples. The chalet are very affordable and provide basic amenities, but we took a slightly fancier chalet at Moonlight because of its private bathroom with hot shower (for the wife) and aircond (for the hasben). The best thing about Perhentian Kecil is that it has its own snorkeling place, and we don't have to hitch the water taxi. Staying at Moonlight, its about 2 minutes walk, and made it easier for us to take a break in between our snorkeling session to eat and drink. Families tend to like Perhentian Besar (About 20 minutes away by boat ride) because of their nicely built resort and facilities. I guess the price would be higher too...
My hasben decided to buy our own snorkeling mask- because we have to 'bite' that thing tightly, I didn't find the prospect of renting it very appealing either. I mean there is SALIVA involved here. I was quite shocked at how many things hasben wanted to bring, like hair conditioner and baby oil ( a great tip i learnt is to 'soak' your hair with baby oil before entering the sea so that it remains soft and tangle free. the only down side is it took me longer to dry my hair because of the oil), sunblock, after sun lotion, dettol, minyak gamat, cotton bud, panadol, balm and few other things. but they all proved to be useful. hasben hurt himself underwater, corals and rocks are very sharp i tell you. while trying to catch a breath, he stood on a rock underwater and it cut through his feet. ouch! I also brought my contact lens to see the fishes better, but it turned out to be a hassle to wear that I neglected them in the end.
anyhow, at one time hasben saw a black tip shark which is pretty big. he excitedly pointed it to me and I MISSED it. (dont ask me how i could miss a massive fish when i could see even little nemo!)
when we got out hasben obviously couldn't hide his excitement:DID YOU SEE IT?
me: see what?
him: the BIG SHARK OF COURSE!!!
me: what shark!!
big mistake woman! i had to live with his sharky jokes for a while after ( hey there's no point if we go to shark point you know- me: why?!!! him: because you would miss it again! at which point he would laugh histerically at his own jokes. GROANNN.)
yesss. this shark swam in front of us and i missed it! perhaps Allah knows if i did see it i would panic. huhu... it was actually rare for the shark to swim near the shore, as it has its own territory..anyhow, this shark is pretty harmless. it doesn't attack on human, there are actually very few cases about it attacking human. pic from other website. we dont have a waterproof camera. would be nice though..
we saw a lot of different species of fish. these adorable stripy fishes like to bite on your feet and eat dead skin. very good, but quite ticklish. it made me laugh a few times, which allow water to get into my mouth, and then i regret it. hehehe.
We brought food, the food there is very expensive. We only dined out twice during dinner, and that cost us roughly Rm 80 per night. delicious though! at other time we only chilled out at the cafe for drinks, which is quite reasonable.
view from our room.
picnic by the beach. cute hasben was content with a cold drink, and i managed to listen to a lecture via mp3 player.
main activity. snorkeling! we spent hours in the water. the longest was 5 hours just snorkeling. most would only snorkel near the beach, but we went further. that's where the corals are! It was very tiring, mainly because my swimming partner turned out to be a fish in disguise. huh! at one time i was so exhausted that i signaled to him for a break. we climbed up to a rock nearby, with me thinking 'phew! finally! i can rest!' suddenly hasben started climbing up to get a better view and urging me to follow him. i was thinking 'are you kidding me? now we are MOUNTAIN-CLIMBING?' who says big people aren't fit? hehe. but the view was great though.
the clumsy waif on a boat. of course, i am a few shades darker now!
i asked hasben if he could be any animal what would he be?
his answer? a mermaid.
i tried another tactic. any REAL animal?
Nothing can beat the natural swimming pool. Allahuakbar. how great is Allah.
Mutiara Express proved to be a very comfy ride. but i was scared to death. as we took the night bus, it was speeding throughout. geram betul.
upon returning, I said this doa as taught by the Prophet (prayer upon returning from a journey):
'No deity has the right to be worshipped but Allah alone, he has no partner. His is all dominion, to Him all praise is due, and He is able to do all things. We return repentant, worshipping, and praising our Lord. He fulfilled His promise, He aided His slave, and He alone defeated Confederates.'
(Bukhari and Muslim)
may Allah make all our journey as a means to gain nearness to Him. Ameen.
"Indeed, in the creation of the heavens and earth, and the alternation of the night and the day, and the [great] ships which sail through the sea with that which benefits people, and what Allah has sent down from the heavens of rain, giving life thereby to the earth after its lifelessness and dispersing therein every [kind of] moving creature, and [His] directing of the winds and the clouds controlled between the heaven and the earth are signs for a people who use reason."
Thursday, July 7, 2011
We actually went to Sungai Gabai around May, but I have just discovered the photos last night! Nature has a way to calm us isn't it? We climbed pretty further up to avoid the crowd, and found a quiet spot way up the waterfall area. I wished we brought hot coffee that day, boy, we were shivering. I can almost hear the sound of the river now. Definitely coming back, inshaAllah!
Friday, July 1, 2011
was i a better person today than yesterday?
did i learn anything new today?
did i forgive more than i judge?
what's my gameplan for tomorrow? i.e. what's my strategy to increase my amal for my akhirah.
in the furthest part of my heart; i wonder if at the last moment of my life i'll be able to utter the sacred word 'lailahaillallah'?
in this long winding journey of life, sometimes i wonder about the destination itself.
its too foggy, unclear, and sometimes too lonely.
sometimes it does not matter how many people there are around me.
some thoughts i cannot put into words, i only understand its presence with the beating of my heart, or coldness in my fingers.
whenever i think of the hereafter i get like this.
like i dont know what to say.
i put a little hope in a jar, and the journey carries on.
step by step, inching forward, no matter how scared i am.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
the Selangor book fair is currently on; with much fewer turn outs than the one in PWTC.
I want to take a picture of our cozy booth which at times smell like delicious coffee- because i've been drinking a lot of it. it's very cold! which makes hasben happy and me slightly frozen, but its still bearable.
The working schedule for both of us is a bit tight, we only reach home near midnight. I have to put half my eyes close at the state of my bedroom at the moment. the only thing i manage to do is make the bed, and put our dirty laundry downstairs. yesterday we both work at the shop, alternating with other staff so we could get some rest. somebody treated us with a super nice lunch, which made me dizzy. i lied down, and ended up taking a 3 hour nap, and a slightly high temp. nevertheless, the human body can always make itself flexible enough to accept any tough new condition with ease. for that, i am grateful. anyway its less tougher than the KL book fair, and i miss the whole noisy fiesta. tough conditions make you tougher.
anyway my boss/hasben is back from prayer. (i persuaded him to try wearing sandals for the time being, so that his crack heels doesnt get any worse. we'll see how long this last! as for wearing shoes, im not quite sure when i'll win the argument. one step at a time woman!)
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I'd like to share it here, so at least if you read this, you can practice it instantly and get an instant goodness, and share it with your loved ones. (PLEASE share this with your love ones, I dare you!)
What's the deal?
secret key: SUTRAH
meaning: My family knows a similar term called SAPRAH, which is the fabric spread you put for dinner. SUTRAH is DIFFERENT.
basically it is object you put in front of you like a wall, (fantastic sutrah!) a chair, even a person sitting in front of you (if you're in a small surau) or anything that is pretty high (handbag doesn't count-its too small)
1. you have just eliminate one common mistake done during solat, and get rewarded for it.
2. you have the right to stop anyone trying to cross between you and your sutrah. it is a big sin to cross in front of anyone in solat!
Here is the command for having Sutrah:
The Prophet SAW said:
"When one of you stands for Salah, there should be an object before him..." (Muslim: 510)
"I saw Allah's Messenger always seeking to perform Salah near the pillar." (Bukhari: 502)
easy! just stand near a wall or pillar, like the Prophet SAW did.
Have a nice day!
Monday, June 20, 2011
'Aboo Sa’eed al-Khudree and Aboo Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with them both) reported that: “The Prophet SAW said, ‘A Muslim does not meet with fatigue or tiredness or concern or sorrow or injury or grief, not so much as a thorn-prick but that Allah expiates his errors for him by that.’” Al-Bukharee and Muslim.
This narration and such others describe the fact that Allah’s mercy over the Muslim is extremely great. Aside from the favours of not affirming servitude to any deity except Allah, and believing in and following the Prophet Saw, his pains and sorrow also bring benefits to him as long as he bears them patiently, not wailing over them.'
*These are taken form the latest book by Da'wah Corner-'Tremendous Benefits'
I try to gulp down the hadeeth, realizing pain and sorrow is not easy. waiting is not easy. in order to gain something from our pain, patience is the key. the dreaded P word, when its easier to scream and shout, and to loose hope.
I tell myself to try dance in the rain, and smile during a storm.
There is something beautiful about hanging in there.
So that eventually, after the cloud has finished pouring out its tears, and we can almost feel the warmth of the sun, we truly appreciate the joy of a bright day.
Finally, when we thank Allah for the gift, we truly thank Him.
The sweetness of patience is like no other.
Just hang in there.
Friday, June 17, 2011
now i see it and think 'how nice! to taste such joy after working hard to build and maintain a family.'
i have 3 minutes before my (own) scheduled time of cooking today.
anyway, somebody important to me has asked 'when am i going to get a real job.'
as in a 9-5 proper job with at least 20 colleagues to chill with, and AC office, and a boss I can argue with from time to time.
i said, "but I'm happy now with my current situation."
the person said, "yeah, but you can't be freelancing forever."
i was quite flabbergasted at the frank remark. i think this was a first pressure-remark that has come my way.i remember one of my friend who said she faced the same thing, and now i know how it feels!
it amazes me how other people like to think they know what's better for us, when our whole circumstances is not even understood by them.
this person does not understand:
1. that at the moment I am still trying to juggle my marriage in the best way possible. I have a husband with bundles of energy, who might ask me out for a date at 1.00 am. my husband also doesn't have an exact punch-in time with his work, and I like to keep him company in the morning.
2. at the moment haven't found any flexible full time job that makes me wanna jump at the opportunity.
3. i am taking a paid crafting class and has promised to be involved in yet another freelance project.
4. i am yet to recover from all the office drama i saw and heard from my previous job.
5. i LIKE what i'm doing now.
6. and so... taking a fulltime job is not in my best interest.
I have at least learn something from this rather unpleasant conversation-
it reminds me not to judge others just because they are doing something I would not do myself. who knows, his/her situation compels that person to take that action in the first place. I then would have sinned for judging another person, and perhaps, talking about it to others I would have gotten another sin for backbiting.
i think hasben will rebuke me for even wasting my time to defend myself- when i totally dont have to (and stealing cooking time pulak!) but i am only human...sometimes words that people say can leave a mark.
okay... got some chicken waiting to be fried. (if im working i'd be stuck in a jam!)
ok ok enough of defending myself. writing about chicken makes me miss my hasben.. haha!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
anyway i took a long bath, (everyday is a long bath according to hasben-but i can tell the difference!) when i came out hasben already fall asleep waiting for me. on his stomach was a candy he found while cleaning my messy bag.
so i quietly took the candy to put it aside, which woke hasben up. he asked if he can have the candy. i said of course! i didnt even like the candy. so he ate it.
few moments later i asked why didnt he just take and eat the candy before.
"because its yours."
subhanaAllah. such small gesture, but it made an impact on me.
and i take this small lesson as the 'precioustest' gift for our sevenmonthlyversary.(hehehe. you can roll your eyes now!)
*the other gift is a book.
such incidents as above has triggered me to be so obsessively advice my single friends-
when looking for a spouse don't go for HANDSOME, MACHO, RICH, or FAMOUS.
go for the one with the DEEN and you will find that God will put in the rest of the good outwardly things anyway.(yes hasben you are very HANDSOME)
most of the feedback i get, YES I KNOW, I KNOW.
i know you know, but what are you going to do with what YOU KNOW?
*in no way i am claiming my life is perfect- but whatever lesson i've learnt, i like to share, and likewise, i like to take lesson from other people's experience too...
Monday, June 13, 2011
I got most of my abaya from this shop, particularly because of its feminine cut and kain yang tak panas. Lately I've been wearing it quite often because my hasben like it. (Quite frankly-most my clothes pun dah takde sejak kebakaran, and takde mood pergi shopping sejak my hasben gave me the book 'Gila Belanja'. cis.)
Actually the men's jubahs are excellent too, but its not up in the blog yet...
Here's the link! www.dcbgoods.blogspot.com
Thursday, June 9, 2011
i have 2 weeks ish to finish my unfinished projects with da'wah corner and craft shop (this for fun), before the Selangor bookfair. finishing off part is not as fun as the starting part.
life after marriage is definitely more hectic, but its nice, you know, to have someone to provide for you, take care of you and save you if you drown (at least i hope so!)
not having a 9-5 job has drop my stress level so much, yeah! (though im not sure whether this will be a permanent thing)
however i miss the intellectual challenge of being an editor- i am such a geek!
which leads me to stacking up on books, particular interest is on parenting and death topics- how ironic!
(going off topic here, few weeks back i asked hasben if he'll get free books if he quit his job, and he said yes on ALL THE TITLES. there i was smiling and jumping up and down at the thought of having all those books in our home one day. then few days after, while helping at the bookstore when new shipment of books came, i slyly told him- "if ever, you gonna quit you have to pick the right time." "what do you mean right time?" "when new shipment arrived!" i whispered excitedly. "why?" he seemed pretty foggy with my idea. "so you can get all the new titles!!"
at this point he laughed his you-pitiful-waif laugh. "I will only get ALL titles published by us." which is 5% of the all the books of course. huh- unfortunately I have to continue with my book purchases, perhaps more frantically now.)
anyway, i find death topics refreshing, should the grave be our beds TONIGHT are we prepared for it? hah this thought leave me shaky, hasben thought me to make prayer that Allah grant us khusnul khatimah or a good ending.
as good, and fantastic marriage is i am constantly aware that one day i will be separated from my dear hasben (a thought that sometimes bring me to tears) sometimes i see him in his sleep, his hand in mine, i wonder when will be the last time i get to hold his hand like this? but depressing thought, i know! but such thoughts keeps me on my toe to try me best to be a good waif to him.
*i have to go!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
i've seen my colleague personally cried, clenched their fist in front of me to show their anger and drown themselves with excessive food so as to 'let it go'.
i have yet to see anybody react uncontrollably in front of the boss himself. somehow that composure remains, that sabr is exercised so well.
my boss have shouted at me, and i could coolly pretend it does not matter. i didnt even flinch or falter, which to be honest amaze me too.
im just trying to figure it out why is it so hard to maintain that patience with people closest to me. somehow the rebel in me keep showing up.
i think i was more patience when i volunteered at a disable place, where sometimes, the kids, because they cannot control their own face muscle would spat at me while talking.
i feel ashamed that i cannot be as patient with my partner now. perhaps its because of his very tolerable nature, it is easier to become defensive.
i feel ashamed that i can loose my cool in front of my aged parents, when they have tolerated so many of my shortcomings.
thus i am on a path of struggle. to fight with my own self, against intolerance, against impatience.
part of becoming an adult is learning to forgive.
part of becoming an adult is learning to show mercy.
people talk about the big things, so many dream of becoming great, of saving the world. heck, some are even angry about the use of plastic bags!
but if we cannot even show respect, love and mercy to our love ones, in the long run the consequence will be felt in ourselves.
sometimes i wonder why there are unrest and uneasiness inside, but after reflecting my own actions, i see cracks that need to be mended. i see hearts that need to be consoled.
thus, the boss has become the best catalyst for me to exercise putting my best self forward.
now its just a matter of treating everybody like i would, towards him.
happiness comes from concerning about others more than we do about ourselves.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
my 'quietness' in my writing is because life has been hectic, with too many moments i just want to freeze. finally, i think after weeks without enough rest, i decided to put a stop today to give way to room cleaning. i dropped dead for quite sometime, Allah knows I need it!
It turns out my hasben is a real social bee with abundance of energy to spare- (must be all those honey) thus even my weekend is packed with classes, work, visiting my parents, and...coordinating this with whatever plan my hasben has. when i was single i thought my activities were hectic already with different classes, volunteering, and the likes. i thought once married i would somehow 'settle down'. those who say such things probably have never been married.
because i dont eat a lot my energy level is lower, thus making me easily burnt-which at times must iritates mr. energetic. but what can i do!! right now Im eating more supplement foods, like dates, honey, habatus sauda to catch up!
last night, after our class ended (we go to class on tuesday night where we study one religious book with an ustaz. the understanding will be different and deeper as compared to when one reads alone) hasben wanted to go to our second home to buy some groceries. our items are pretty much consistent: we always buy:
2. tons of milk (minimum 8 boxes)
4. ice cream
5. hot dog
6. bliss drink for waif.
after we got home (midnight) hasben decided to have a 'picnic on bed' so i had to throw some frozen pizza in the oven, heat up a chicken soup and make some garlic bread. i even spread out a picnic blanket on our bed to complete the whole night fiesta theme. hehe. it turned out, because waif started to get cranky while baking the pizza, it wasn't properly baked. hasben decided to go all the way downstairs to BAKE IT AGAIN at 1 o clock in the morning. and then we continued our picnic.
finally, at about 2 am hasben started to get drowsy (no i did not use drug on him) and started to talk less. that means bedtime is near. after some more conversation in the dark, i heard a gentle snore (tak la gentle sangat) signaling resting time. phew!
while washing the dishes yesterday i could not help but felt a sense of gratitude that each moments in my life now is spent on my family, or work, or learning; that hopefully will benefit me in the hereafter.
as my boss would say, "If you are busy (with worthwhile things), be thankful. It's a good sign that you're improving yourself."
Friday, March 25, 2011
The author has passed away, May grant him mercy after battling with cancer.
Reading about other people's life journey makes me wonder about my own journey. All the precious memories I can remember as if it only happened yesterday.
Life is but a fleeting moment.
and indeed death is just around the corner.
Monday, March 14, 2011
finally, I had to say 'I got myself a new glasses' (finally-my old glasses just keep falling now my face coz I sat on it) and he couldn't believe I would buy 'the same one'. its not the same!!!
Someone asked me last nite, 'are you contented with your marriage life?'
and I was like mmmm [nodding] and in my head 'huh? contented? I is happy beyond words lah'.
"And among the signs is that He created you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and he has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (ArRum: 21)
I pray that Allah grant you mercy and put tranquility in your hearts, whoever you are.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
I was watching an arabic class lecture and the language is like a big puzzle to me, that its just awesome. a puzzle is something that can be solved, understood, and completed and i am optimistic this time round that i will gain something valuable. its there, all this years, thrown at our face from the left, right and centre-finally, I feel like I'm cracking a secret code with this language, and that's probably why I'm excited. because it seems like a game to me.
well I'm on lesson 3, (lets not mention anything about hasben's LACK OF PROGRESS lately) and there will be many lessons yet to come.
we were at Borders yesterday and I remarked to hasben of my lack of interest with fiction nowadays. well. what can I say. I must have read hundreds of those and at some point I just got sick of it. hasben dramatically remarked "you have been given the light!!!" hmm...I guess this is the phase where I am bored of love stories; so full of sexual innuendos, and lack of substance. i feel like a makcik already.
My mind is thinking of those distressed people in Japan, and when I open facebook and find people complaining about the most ridiculous things, I just wanna put all these people in a box, and send them there.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
But Allah knows best, I managed to read the introduction yesterday and found a beautiful ayat that just rings true to me.
And from all aspect of life, you will gain nothing but what you do.
Ever seen old couple holding hands and lovingly talk to each other? Than know that it's not a result of love or magic, it's a result of their hard work and commitment at the relationship.
Who is the most successful person you know? Know that he worked hard at it.
When is your happiest moment in life? All the trials you faced before that let you taste the sweetness of joy.
Just as your soul will only be carrying your own sin, know that your soul will only benefit from the good that one earns for himself.
Abu Hurayrah said that the Prophet Muhammad SAW said:
"When a person dies, his deeds will cease except in three cases: from a righteous son who invokes Allah for him, or an ongoing charity after his death, or knowledge that people benefit from."
Well one's son does not just pop out overnight and become righteous does he? Who takes care of him when he was unable to take care of himself? Who instill all the good morals and behaviors in him?
"...and one offspring are among what he has earned" 7:241.
Does the ongoing charity appear by itself or initiated by someone? Just as one walk on a sand and leave a trail of his footsteps, the deed is but a trace of one owns action.
'..We record that which they send before (them) and their traces.' 36:12
"Whoever invites to guidance, he will earn as much reward as those who follow him, without decreasing anything out of their own rewards." Muslim 4: 2060.
So when you are feeling lazy remember,
"and that man can have nothing but what he does."
Saturday, March 5, 2011
anyway the wedding day will probably mark a big change in anyone's life. its a huge turning point and how glad I am to have passed that stage, so that I can concentrate on a bigger thing to come which will make anyone's wedding day pale in comparison.
well, there will be another big day or days when one will give birth (and then again and again) and of course minus the fairy tales. *sigh. what a blessing a wedding is! all we think about is buying a beautiful dress, seeing our husband looking good, glancing at each other nervously, meeting family and friends. all NICE things. what about birth? well seeing the baby would be awesome, but the PAIN. and what freak me out the most is there will most likely be SCISSORS involved, and no it wont be used to cut your hair! argh! I'll just be in a state of denial of the things to come. but of course, the good news is if I die during childbirth I will get the rewards of a martyr.i still dont like the scissors! and for me there will be a huge possibility that hasben wont be next to me during all that gory stage because he is afraid of BLOOD. my big macho hasben who wont say 'see you soon' because its not manly enough for him is scared of blood! its doesnt make any sense! anyway in case you are wondering I am not pregnant yet!
going back to my point. what is the very special day that is bigger than any wedding day or other days after that?
What will it be like, when we gasp for that very final breath, will it be a gasp full of anticipation, to utter that 'lailahaillallah' ( if God wills ) or a gasp of anguish and regret?
Its a reality and the fact that it could happen any second, minute, day or year should make one busy preparing for that day.
The question is, am i preparing it at least as hard (and it should be much much much much harder) as I prepared for my wedding?
DEATH. don't forget!
Friday, March 4, 2011
So I went down to meet my hasben and he glanced at me over his plate, 'your eyes are sooo red. are you wearing powder to cover up? gee it just makes it worse. you wouldn't make a good a spy.' *laughing as always
me: 'what powder?' (quickly rubbing the powder off)
oh well, life is not always fun. but we do, we do have a choice as to how we want to react to situations.
its okay to cry, sometimes it makes you feel better, but to smile and laugh when the going gets tough makes you a better, stronger person.
hasben is recovering now, and I'm glad, Alhamdulillah!!! it has gotten into his head that making me jump is very funny, and I keep finding him jumping out from this wall and that door that I think a permanent heart attack will be part of my life now.
I did not know much about this guy when I proposed, and I know now Allah has given me big blessings by giving him as a hasben.
I am retyping a d'ua book to be printed.
Back to Work!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
thank you my long lost friend, for dropping this advice to me.
sometimes it gets a bit dark along the way, and we feel afraid to move forward.
we just gotta have faith we'll see the light soon.
and we keep going forward.
and when we do see the light, its the best feeling in the world.
wait for him at the door and smile and pay full attention to his needs. a cold drink? meals? a shower?
dont wait for him at the door with a list of complains waiting for him.
dont be busy washing, reading, sleeping, or relaxing and make he call for you.
dont smell bad
this stuff didnt matter so much before as I would pick him up from work and we'd enter the house together.
now that I am home earlier than him, have to be more alert.
our best self should be displayed in front of our spouses more than anyone else :D
I am so grateful to be married because I am pushed to improve myself every day.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
'what's wrong if women cant cook?'
'why cant house chores be divided equally between husband and wife?'
'why is it okay for men to go home and goyang kaki while we have to slave away our nights with chores and entertaining the kids?'
and the complaints
'my hasben bla bla bla.'
now let me ask you back,
'the burden of providing for the household has been shouldered on the man, if your husband doesnt ask you to help monetarily, what make you think you can complain about something you have chosen yourself?'
'keeping your husband happy is your job, and cooking, raising the kids and maintaining a peaceful house will make him happy. so why are you complaining about what will open your way to jannah?'
'if you want equal tasks, would you share his burden of protecting, providing, giving knowledge, leading the family, keeping up with the wife's tantrum and complaints and have a share of the sins his family commit if he doesn't advice them well?'
im not saying i dont complain, sometimes its hard to break the habit, but after i got married myself i realize how big a responsibility my husband have, and if he doesn't feel like helping me with the dishes i dont think its fair to feel any resentment towards him. it drive me crazy yes, each time he throws his wet towel everywhere, but hey, its no big deal.
dont let the satan get to you!