Thursday, May 12, 2011

what bosses are for

i think most people have those moments where they just want to squash their bosses, and drink it down their throat.

i've seen my colleague personally cried, clenched their fist in front of me to show their anger and drown themselves with excessive food so as to 'let it go'.

i have yet to see anybody react uncontrollably in front of the boss himself. somehow that composure remains, that sabr is exercised so well.

my boss have shouted at me, and i could coolly pretend it does not matter. i didnt even flinch or falter, which to be honest amaze me too.

im just trying to figure it out why is it so hard to maintain that patience with people closest to me. somehow the rebel in me keep showing up.

i think i was more patience when i volunteered at a disable place, where sometimes, the kids, because they cannot control their own face muscle would spat at me while talking.

i feel ashamed that i cannot be as patient with my partner now. perhaps its because of his very tolerable nature, it is easier to become defensive.

i feel ashamed that i can loose my cool in front of my aged parents, when they have tolerated so many of my shortcomings.

thus i am on a path of struggle. to fight with my own self, against intolerance, against impatience.

part of becoming an adult is learning to forgive.

part of becoming an adult is learning to show mercy.

people talk about the big things, so many dream of becoming great, of saving the world. heck, some are even angry about the use of plastic bags!

but if we cannot even show respect, love and mercy to our love ones, in the long run the consequence will be felt in ourselves.

sometimes i wonder why there are unrest and uneasiness inside, but after reflecting my own actions, i see cracks that need to be mended. i see hearts that need to be consoled.

thus, the boss has become the best catalyst for me to exercise putting my best self forward.

now its just a matter of treating everybody like i would, towards him.

happiness comes from concerning about others more than we do about ourselves.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


phwoar!! writing feels like ancient history to me, in fact i almost forgot where the letters go on my keyboard! ( and this, my dear students is an exaggeration. that's right, use double g's!) ah, i do miss teaching sometimes. i loved looking at my students faces, their serious expressions in trying to understand what i said or implied, and sometimes their sudden outburst of laughter that just light up the whole room. i remember now one of my classroom, with its scenic view of green trees and blue sky- amidst our chaotic ramblings, those moments where i wished for time to freeze, so that i could savor the joy slightly longer.

my 'quietness' in my writing is because life has been hectic, with too many moments i just want to freeze. finally, i think after weeks without enough rest, i decided to put a stop today to give way to room cleaning. i dropped dead for quite sometime, Allah knows I need it!

It turns out my hasben is a real social bee with abundance of energy to spare- (must be all those honey) thus even my weekend is packed with classes, work, visiting my parents, and...coordinating this with whatever plan my hasben has. when i was single i thought my activities were hectic already with different classes, volunteering, and the likes. i thought once married i would somehow 'settle down'. those who say such things probably have never been married.

because i dont eat a lot my energy level is lower, thus making me easily burnt-which at times must iritates mr. energetic. but what can i do!! right now Im eating more supplement foods, like dates, honey, habatus sauda to catch up!

last night, after our class ended (we go to class on tuesday night where we study one religious book with an ustaz. the understanding will be different and deeper as compared to when one reads alone) hasben wanted to go to our second home to buy some groceries. our items are pretty much consistent: we always buy:

1. chicken
2. tons of milk (minimum 8 boxes)
3. barbican
4. ice cream
5. hot dog
6. bliss drink for waif.
7. eggs

after we got home (midnight) hasben decided to have a 'picnic on bed' so i had to throw some frozen pizza in the oven, heat up a chicken soup and make some garlic bread. i even spread out a picnic blanket on our bed to complete the whole night fiesta theme. hehe. it turned out, because waif started to get cranky while baking the pizza, it wasn't properly baked. hasben decided to go all the way downstairs to BAKE IT AGAIN at 1 o clock in the morning. and then we continued our picnic.

finally, at about 2 am hasben started to get drowsy (no i did not use drug on him) and started to talk less. that means bedtime is near. after some more conversation in the dark, i heard a gentle snore (tak la gentle sangat) signaling resting time. phew!

while washing the dishes yesterday i could not help but felt a sense of gratitude that each moments in my life now is spent on my family, or work, or learning; that hopefully will benefit me in the hereafter.

as my boss would say, "If you are busy (with worthwhile things), be thankful. It's a good sign that you're improving yourself."